Doing it alone

How can I be loved
when I can not love myself
why can't I just be rid of
I refuse to do it myself or cut
what is my purpose on earth
I am useless to man kind
this feeling i get isn't the first
it's always in the back of my mind
and then when's it triggered
it eats me up alive
I'm just a dark walking figure
waiting to walk the bridge n dive
I don't deserve to be here
anyone could take my place
leaving my family n husband is my fear
I can't look at any of them in the face
to tell them them everything
I'll just be slapped to the ground
so instead im just listening
to the music that has a depressing sound
I'll sing it all
hope to get better...alone...