Queen-Street Rain

I'm glad you've told me the stuff that bothered you :). A couple of these I spose are just the styles I've taken up from writers such as Ginsberg. The full stops at the end of each line represent individual thoughts, to show the slow thought process of the individual at the time, and also the slow process of the expanding rain on the ground.
As for the grammar mistakes, I shall have them cleared up for you :)

I have no idea why you have a period at the end of every line and a capital to follow when you continue, what should be a sentence, on?

Having told you what irks me...here is my critique..

Pregnant puddles swell into dirty pools.
Give birth to muggy streams.
^^^

Just loved your opening...UK puddles can so easily become pregnant and give way to multiple births

Taking first steps down Queen Street.

^^^

The word steps I wasn't too keen on...a new born or a puddle wouldn't walk..try replacing this word I would suggest?
Drowning city concrete.
Into city bus stops.

Tides of dirty street water
^^^

You have used the word dirty further up so...again try to find an alternative?
wash over my shoes.
Young girls bag soaked by waves
^^

*girl's
generated by city buses,
Separating, dividing the water's unity

I really did enjoy this one regardless of the things that irked me haha!!! Guess I can still remember the rain a little too much in the UK but...it always seemed worse on a Monday morning for some reason :)

I can see the image clearly and you have described everything so well

x

Oh I'm loving the word usage and imagery in this piece..... very very nice~

You penned a picture of perfect imagery.. Excellent