Comments : Focal Point

  • 10 years ago

    by Ms Happiness

    Really grear poem:)

  • 10 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Oh my god Liz!
    Now I can comment properly :)

    How was I to know
    that I would need to
    hurt myself more than
    you would hurt me?
    ^^^^^
    Wow, what a stanza, I can relate to this like so much, things can only hurt us if we let them, and sometimes we feel that due to that we are hurting ourselves.

    A sweep of the hair,
    a kiss on the forehead -
    all appear so distant to you
    though it feels like
    only yesterday
    to me.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Oh, how soft, how true. Such awesomeness Liz.

    I want to escape
    from this grasp that
    you seem to have
    on me -

    but,

    If I am destined to
    suffocate, it is
    better by my own
    hands,
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    OH MY GOODNESS, this is amazing!!!!!!!!

    The only way to
    drown out my pain
    is to drown myself
    in something else.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    and that ending was just bloody brilliant :P

    I will say this is so emotional, I felt every part of your pain, it's heartbreakingly sad but totally beautiful at the same time.

    Oh my god, I just love this, it's definately a win and going in my faves.

    Wow!

    xxxxxx

  • 10 years ago

    by L

    Amazing poem, i just hope is a poem.

    Like the autumn leaves but you are still my summertime.

    That sentence is heartbreaking. :(
    But at the end to drown yourself in something else,
    Hmm I like the ending. But if you know how to swim then swim no need to drown. If you don't know, there might be a save guard waiting to rescue you. Just hang in there.Relax and everyone can float.

  • 10 years ago

    by Decayed

    First,

    A sweep of the hair,
    a kiss on the forehead -
    all appear so distant to you
    though it feels like
    only yesterday
    to me.

    ^ I suggest that you change 'though it feels like only yesterday to me' .. to... 'though it only feels like yesterday' .. just a thought because in the next stanza there is to me.

    ---

    Okay, whatever.
    You gave me shivers. I cannot say much, but Liz.... you're brilliant :')

  • 10 years ago

    by Karla

    Liz,

    I felt your pain. Such a heartfelt poem. I loved it.

  • 10 years ago

    by Abissah Junior

    Wow..then drawn in my heart then..hehe..gud...

  • 10 years ago

    by Mostafa

    I can feel the anguish, so touching !
    well done : )

  • 10 years ago

    by Ronel McCarthy

    Lovely as always.........good to focus on something else to let go of the pain-to drown out the pain .

  • 10 years ago

    by Rania

    Oh, For gods sake, I need to sleep! it's 2 am, and I knew once I comment the 1st poem by you, the drill will take over!

    This is simply, awwesome! where to start...
    The inability to get over someone, I think it kills you every single day.

    the paradox in this poem, so much like the situation itself, to love someone, when you hate them. someone said, "it's not how much u love them, when you love them, it's how much you love them, when you hate them"

    The desire here of getting rid of his power on you, and here i mean the power of the memories..or the hurt he cause/causing.
    for you, he WAS the hope, and IS (now) everything...killing the hope, in you...

    I also sense this desire for dignity, self respect, or "Ego" this call for giving it a push up, yet..you're only trying to find something ellse to drown you, rather than him. tho the same ending..but you are focusing on the reasons..
    which is ...indeed your "focal point""

    wow did you even notice that ?.. you kill me !
    HATS OFF< BOOTS OFF!..all is off, when your poetry is ON.

    You were still my
    summertime.
    ^
    beautiful :]

    How was I to know
    that I would need to
    hurt myself more than
    you would hurt me?
    ^
    Typical (in meaning, not in content..as "in emotions" = I relate )

    A sweep of the hair,
    a kiss on the forehead -
    all appear so distant to you
    though it feels like
    only yesterday.

    ^
    simple, yet deep, true, innocent, and above alll..sad.

    If I am destined to
    suffocate, it is
    better by my own
    hands,

    than yours.

    ^
    powerful!!!!!!!!!!!!! VERY

    The only way to
    drown out my pain
    is to drown myself
    in something else

    ^^
    that blew the hell out of me...really, you are such a very inspiring poet.