Healed?

I thought I finally healed...
I thought I was finally free.
But after all this time I'm not sure I can love.
Sure I am passionate and consequently full of love
But I speak of love in the way a woman loves a man
The kind of love that everyone women pines for...
But that most spend their lives watching in movies.
I thought I was healed.
But the more time passes
I find the bruises
The scars
The wounds that I have so craftily concealed...
All remains of what I have been through.
I thought I had finally healed...
But the more I look
The more I realize I will never "heal"
Never be "normal"
Whatever that may be
Intimacy will always be a fear
The scars will fade with time
The pain will lessen with time
For time can accomplish the most amazing of feats.
I will grow
And all the scars and wounds will give me a motive to move on.
But to heal completely is but a fool's dream.
Maybe one day,
When drowning myself in my studies cease to soothe me,
I will learn to love...
Learn to embrace what I don't even think I understand right now.
It will be unwilling of course.
And difficult feat I can do all but imagine.
But maybe one day it will happen.
Maybe one day, I will be utterly happy,
Even though I will never fully heal