My Splintered Heart

MY SPLINTERED HEART

My heart was shattered when I was merely a babe
My father ripped it apart
My mother didn't know how to mend it
So now, it is constantly bleeding
Leaving me weak when I need to be strong
Leaving me broken when I need to be mended

My heart has disintegrated where the cracks have developed
I need love, hugs and Polyfilla to repair it
But all are in short supply and I am clean out of Polyfilla
There are just a few special souls in my life
That I allow to see the broken me
I can count them on only one hand and they allow me to be me

To protect myself from the very beginning
And to protect myself even now
My heart has splintered into pieces, all closely connected
And you may not see them unless I trust you not to hurt them
We are five, we used to be six
The youngest died of neglect and is now in heaven. God bless her

And I feel pain for that lost babe; I hear her crying in the distance
I mourn. Others who are outsiders label me 'dissociative'
But to me, I am just me and I am not ready to let go of 'us'
We are five and we all matter, and need to be heard, to have a voice
I allow very few people into my corrupted world
For fear of rejection and abandonment and disapproval

I have people in my head who are splinters of 'me'
The 'me' that so many of you reject perhaps with harshness or disbelief
But my 'me' is 'us' to me and I have no wish to relinquish 'us'
You may think me mad, insane, strange, weird, odd, and different
And one of 'us' thinks, "if your mind is closed, you can go jump...."
But if your mind is open and receptive, 'we' think, "you can have a piece of my heart"

But take good care of it please. Hold and nurture it. Be kind in thought and deed
Because 'we' are fragile, brittle, and easily bruised and fragmented
And because when 'we' are hurt or injured, 'we' will retreat from your world
And hide to avoid further harm, damage or thoughtlessness
And 'we' have no desire to be seen nor to be told to 'unite'
So take 'me' as I am; take 'me' gently by the hand and love 'me' for who 'we' are.