Let me show you what I can see
Let me show you how different I am
You were once lost
But now you are found
Please don't ever leave
If you do I promise to run after you
To prove that I am better then the rest
No one will ever know you better then I will
No one could ever love you better then I can
Would you take my hand and run away with me?
Its sweet to the ears. Such confidence in declaring you're the best she can have. And such guts to ask her to elope with you. There's this innocence attached to this piece that got me smiling. The message is clear but a little more polish will give it a poetic touch. Keep writing. Cheers! :)
7 years ago
by Tara Kay
I want to leave some constructive criticism on this piece.
While the poem shows your love and emotion for this person, it lacks direction...
First off, the lack of punctuation makes the poem loose its flow...due to us not being able to read the poem in the way you intend.
and it seems cliche in parts...while it has potential, a couple of changes would do well to direct it
But a nice intentional piece that gets the message across.