Comments : You are Everything I Write [Acrostic]

  • 8 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    MONDAY MONDAY GOTTTA NOMINATEE ON MONDAY....ERRYBODY LOOKING FORWARD TO MONDAYY MONDAY!! YAY!...

    OKAY, i'll be back.

  • 8 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    Okay, wussaaah..wusaaaah.
    let me get to this before I leave for work.

    you know in the beginning...I didn't really believe this was you? I'm like..but wait Acrostic aren't always short?...and then..the "Streets of Sydney" part..and I'm like but dang? Mel isn't the only one in Australia -.-
    Besides, WHY would Mel give herself away so easily? its much unlike her..

    but then the more I re-read the piece and stared at it...its like ....damn, it is Mel.. even if I had any more doubt left..the "of a month I don't remember"..part.. well um. yeah.

    so let me get to the poem,
    you dearest have a way of using things in poetry unlike anyone I've ever known.

    I seriously don't know what made you turn into such a beast poetically, but God.
    I don't think I'll ever get over it.

    "You once told me, through the quiver
    of a lazy street light that I was a twin to the
    universe we saw at that very moment."

    ..this makes me think of beauty,
    the sincere type of beauty, and of wonders..and of mystery too, maybe because the universe seems so mysterious to me , also when I think of it beyond all the things human have done, the universe is so darn beautiful..
    I'm not sure if this exactly what you meant, but I think here of someone telling you many beautiful things.... but you make it sound so deep and it could mean so many things, you devil.

    "And, my skin mimicked the city,
    roadmaps appearing like confused creases against
    each written prose of my forehead."

    hahahahaha. if you saw what I pictured in my mind...here I think of you raising an eyebrow, and getting all those little lines on your forehead you know, those we get when we make funny faces..like

    "what the hell are you talking bout? /:}"

    I LOVED! the mimicking of the city,
    when I think of city I always think of chaos and traffic jams tho.. but the word choice is so pretty.

    "every time the sun set in the West I argued North with a
    reason for you not to kiss me."

    MY FAVORITE.
    I think I'm going to quote that forever,
    and again, I'm not really going to say anything..but what I get from here is that someone was right, and you kept insisting they were wrong.. it makes me think of someone having a really Stubborn and adamant personality

    "time lingering above our heads, garbage littered our
    hopes like the streets of Sydney but
    In the A.M of a month I don't remember, you still
    noticed how my eyes would dance with the
    ghost of too many hours before them"

    now, this one is a little too mysterious for my taste, because I really don't know what to get from it ...I think its about someone noticing all your little details and secrets, even when everything else indicates the opposite.. but the way this reads out loud is just gorgeous <3

    In place I never knew existed.

    ^
    Typical you. ha.

    "With time your words began to mime the
    rust of an abandoned junk yard; sharp in all
    its splendour to antique collector like myself."

    and now,
    if there wasn't something common and ugly turned pretty and poetic in this
    then it wouldn't have been you... with this I mean the use of "Junkyard" and you know it... what was it in that other poem again, oh..the coke can in a pond..lmao.

    ugh, Girl I swear you don't do poetry..
    your words are pure light.

    Gorgeous work as always,
    post the others, Grrr.

  • 8 years ago

    by Hellon

    I going way out on a limb here I know but...I've read this poem over and over and...I now think this is about a friendship rather than a relationship that's perhaps gone wrong? In my mind...it would be normal to compare east with west...north with south and yet...you don't...you use west and north which...boggles my mind haha!!!

    The last stanza throws this whole theory out the window I know but....you have posted it in the sad section so...I'm going with.. you now tolerate each other rather than making up and living happily ever after....hope this makes some kind of sense....Bah!!!!

  • 8 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    I have loved it the moment I started reading the title. It's so beautiful and romantic. This poem was so rich in imagery and creative metaphors that for a moment I stopped to admire each word I read.

    //You once told me, through the quiver
    of a lazy street light that I was a twin to the
    universe we saw at that very moment.
    // I loved the use of quiver here, it's very different from the usual descriptions. My understanding is you are describing two people, in love and how they much mean to each other.

    //Yet with the pavement cracked beneath us and
    time lingering above our heads, garbage littered our
    hopes like the streets of Sydney but
    //
    My understanding is in the later stanza's you have described how the two people started falling apart.

    /With time your words began to mime the
    rust of an abandoned junk yard; sharp in all
    its splendour to antique collector like myself.
    Today we sat like pen and poetry; knowing
    eventually the sun would set in our direction too
    //
    how beautiful!!!! specially the last two lines... touching yet so beautiful ... Time may heal the wounds but scars always remain.

    brilliant write up :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Britt

    Mel*

    So I've tried to come back and comment on this poem and my internet geeked out THREE times now, so I'm going to actually make this one work, dang it! lol

    As you know from my discussions with you before, this is incredibly beautiful and touching. What a freakin' poem, Mel! Seriously. For someone who doesn't like to write forms, or think she can do it at all.. I swear I've said this in another comment. You can do it all, woman, and I love/hate you for it (pardon the jealousy, haha!)

    This is one of the best acrostics I've ever read - and it was such a long piece! Your words went together just so effortlessly, and how you have created such vivid imagery and personal feeling from something we've never experienced is beyond me. I feel like I am a part of you and your emotions when I read some of your work, this being no exception.

    Your line breaks make so much sense - the way you have your "I" separated, sometimes people make that kind of awkward, but you mastered it. It was the perfect single line.

    "In the A.M of a month I don't remember" I like how you said A.M instead of morning. It gives the poem a more modern feel, which is fun to bring to formed poetry.

    I could keep going on and on, and decipher the poem, but I don't think it's necessary. You know what it did to me. That's sufficient :) Love this!

  • 8 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    Not much left to be said except absolutely awesome..Best I've read in form

  • 8 years ago

    by Muran

    Awesome writing.

  • 8 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    You've put so much emotion into this piece it's unbelievable. After hearing you read your poetry through the vocaroo thing I seem to see so much beauty in your writing than ever before.

    I've read this piece so many times, it's gorgeous. The first stanza makes me think of two lovers strolling through the city with orange street lights glowing down upon them leading them through the darkness, which kind of sets a somber mood with the setting you've painted for us here, though it can be beautiful also. Quiver of a lazy street light gives that sad feeling, perhaps a feeling of loneliness.

    I see a mixture of emotions in this piece, sadness and happiness. The hope at the end is beautiful, I loved the whole sun setting in the West, yet you convincing him otherwise. Then at the end of the poem you weave this idea into your words once again, makes for a perfect ending. Also the poetry & pen metaphor is lovely, fits great with your title. Miss your poetry so much, been reading it quite a bit lately. So speechless every time.

  • 8 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    Wait... What?

    Was that you? The queen of Hellons and Larrys competition? I am not believeing my eyes, this is just not the usual 'you' but I like it! Maybe because I'm not used to read forms by you or because the poem just looked from another planet, haha. I truly loved this from the very moment, I really can't express my admiration. Acrostics are enjoyable to read but deadly to write, literally, how could you manage to put all those stuff together complying with the form and all just looked perfect in a way I would never have the right words to express. I am in love with the concept, with the title and with you winning the second (or third?) place in the contest. I am just happy to finally find out who is the beast that penned this masterpiece. I was suspecting it might be you or Nana, was hesitating between the two of you and what a beautiful surprise! I love all images you put in here, especially the lazy street and its quiver and the FACT that you are a twin of that universe, that never tedious universe, even the word 'universe' by itself makes one ponder. Your image just makes me think of a calm night, an empty street, maybe rain and stars, no they don't go together, haha. Seriously, the picture you painted in my mind was wonderful. I'd never find such a deep thing in any other poem. I agree that the word 'city' makes me think of traffic jam, of smoke, or cars, of coexistence and of people working, trying so hard. You have such a unique skin, Mel, haha. Maybe you meant by this, that you're changable? confused? afraid? Hmmmm, maybe old? noway, I am genius, old Melli, haha.

    I am lost and have no idea how to praise this except for saying that it was an inspiration for me and made me write a poem that I didn't submit because it looked like your poem too much, lmfao. I deleted it anyway, don't worry! ;) But truly this gave me emotions, wow. For all those who might say you are not a genius goddess with words, here is a punch on their noses! Ouch, haha. :P

    Mellll, write, write, write!