Depression's Maze

~ Just a note. When i wrote this i was overwhelmed with a yearning for the happiness in my life to return back to me. It's a very sad poem that expresses, for me, the true nature of depression; something which is done by oneself, negligent of their deepest dreams and desires.
~

Anger is swelling up in my mind,
Darkness is inhaled in the air I breathe.
I wish i could explain this to you
But i only know that what i feel is true.

I write and i hope; think and I pray.
By some misguided notion
That my efforts will create something real..
Lead me to a brighter day.

But it's hopeless, I'm melancholic
Permanantly stuck in my own nightmare
Where every decision I make
Is inferior or not good enough.

I hate it..
The cliche..
I know that I am just another,
To walk down these gloomy halls.

Of Depression,
Of Darkness.

I walk in a crowd of kin with heads hung low,
we are forever surrounded yet always alone.
We have no destination, but many maps.
Which all depict the sorryness of our existence.

Bound like a prisoner in chains I march forward in solemness
My only wish is to break free of this self-imprisonment.
But long ago, I threw away the key.
Into an ocean of self loathing and defamation

Ultimately I choose this life that I make,
But this... I do not choose.
To look in the mirror and see shame,
To walk in my shoes and feel pain.

Call this egocentrical or sentimental,
that's what life is.
A collective of celestial flashes;
both nameless and unique.

This is what a humans role in life is,
to give names to that which don't need them.
Doomed from the start if you ask me.

This is the turning point of this poem.
I write it in faith that all happenings
have a turning point,
when things suddenly get better.

My hope lies in the human condition..
that there is beauty and love,
hidden somewhere inside this maze.

That someday, whilst blindly searching,
for an exit to my existence,
I shall sit calmly and realise,
There is no escape, only acceptance.

And so I shall sit,
Not in a maze,
But in my new home.
And that I shall adopt a sense of content.

Perhaps one day i'll see beauty in myself,
again.
Perhaps one day i'll be worthy of a friend,
again.
Perhaps one day i'll allow myself to love,
again.
Perhaps when this day comes,
I will be worthy,
Again.
I will be worthy again.