I'd Never Be Okay

I was rather outspoken
not shy in any way
as i stood there beside you
there wasn't a thing i wouldn't say

You were supposed to be a friend
nothing less and nothing more
somehow that came to an end
wish i said something before..

I was just like one of the guys
my composure lacked femininity
In reality i lost all ties
many thought i was below trinity

I however felt at ease
in our hideous ways
you i didn't have to please
i wasn't looking for your praise

Somehow i grew feelings
though i kept them deep inside
due to previous dealings
my emotions i needed to hide

put through pure hell
in a relationship long before
a story I'd rather not tell
it doesn't really matter anymore

i have two little boys
a single mother all my own
afraid sex would be your only interest
my feelings would never be shown

you came over to my place
several times in a row
pained me to see your face
killed me to watch you go

Until late one night
you pulled me up on your side
everything felt so right
a feeling i couldn't hide..

again scared you'd be the same
the same position i was before
terrified of the game
leave me bruised, broken, and tore.

I realize i'd been living in the past
afraid of letting go
not sure if it would last
can only try if you want to know

eight months from the day
you puled me next to you
i love you more than worlds can say
and i know you love me too..

I now will never let the past
be a barrier on today
i realize if I let that last
I'd never be okay..