Comments : Deep Blue Sea (Acrostic)

  • 11 years ago

    by Marvellous

    Truly refined with grace.. Good job!

  • 11 years ago

    by Angel

    Flowed perfectly it was great :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Xanthe

    I'm glad you chose to be more simple with your adjectives here. I understood each word now lol.
    "Deep blue sea in my eyes
    Exquisite scenery; mirror of the sky"
    ---It's either you're referring to the persona's eyes as blue or the blue sea reflected blue to her eyes. Perhaps her eyes reflected the color of the sea because her eyes were glistening; she was crying. I like that. What I didn't like here was the use of 'blue', it would've been better if you took advantage of the 'sea' imagery without saying it's blue, because the sea is most of the time blue. You should make the reader think sometimes.
    "Enticing pomp like a pearl
    Pure dazzling like a sunshine perk."
    --I like the first line. It shows the pearl is a magnificent display. Meanwhile, the second line, I didn't like the 'perk'. I now, it rhymes subtly with 'pearl', but don't give up meaning for rhyme, it destroys the whole sense of the poem.
    "Bloom your harmony in peace
    Let me in to your adorable grace;"
    ---I'm liking the abstract imagery here. Nature is abstract, and it's good that you kept it that way.
    "Under your resplendent realm,
    Enclose my heart; warm and calm."
    ---See what I mean? It didn't rhyme (perhaps you were trying to) but the meaning/message is there. And it is more important than rhyme.
    "Serenity in your solemn place
    Ease the pain which I embrace, oh
    Abide me home my deep blue sea.."
    ---Yes, you ended it gracefully. But I don't know why it ended to me like the persona wanted to commit suicide, or maybe it's just me.? haha.
    Great write. I can see improvement. Keep writing :)
    -X

  • 11 years ago

    by Max

    Well this is brilliant i love it alot
    the imagery and everything is so cool
    5/5 keep writing =)

  • 11 years ago

    by Paul Gondwe

    As i first read this, i remebered Family Guy, where Stewie also says a poem. The first stanza was really enchanting to read, loved your choice of words and how you made them ryhme. The imagery was also perfect.

    The second satnza spoke of love and protection, how you feel, the comfort you get or want from the deep blue sea. I must say, this poem flows so smoothly as of its not even an Acrostic.

    The ending is spectacular. You find peace in the deep blue sea, it makes you forget your worries..and u end it with a line that is filled with hope for happiness and peacefulness as you are whisked away to a land of peace.

  • 11 years ago

    by Wicked Ways

    Aaww yes thats what I need this morning a calm poem i love the flow of it, it was easy to go along with it, its truly a peaceful piece nice work :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    So gracefully written

  • 11 years ago

    by The Po whet

    Truly an amazing piece considering how difficult it is to write an acrostic poem with an impeccable flow as this.
    wonderful write.

  • 11 years ago

    by LittleMermaid

    Short and sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    its really nice...n great choice of words!!
    keep writing more!!
    ^_^

  • 11 years ago

    by Ms Happiness

    Short but refreshing:)
    I love the way you wrote it good job:)

  • 11 years ago

    by DarkLight

    Nyc piece..i love t

  • 11 years ago

    by Amy

    The flow was quite good nice poem. Very well written 4/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Kayla Sonya Dearing

    I really enjoyed it hun

  • 11 years ago

    by Silent Girl

    I can feel this poem and i picture it in my head :) 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by East Poetry

    Acrostic Poems are always neat, I loved the words you used in this poem. also... I really liked the alliteration you used in some parts of this poem and would have liked to see more.
    Great job

  • 11 years ago

    by Thomas

    Nicely done :)