Coping

I'm giving into something that,
I swore I'd never do.
How else can I deal with guilt?
This, I wish I knew.

Light.

So is where I've ended up,
In this bathroom, faking laughter.
Doing something that's so unlike me,
Not caring what happens after.

Inhale.

Choking down a puff of smoke,
Just trying to stay cool.
Burying the pain inside,
While trying not to act a fool.

Hold.

Relaxation swirling in my lungs,
With my vision getting hazy.
Ignoring the burning in my chest,
I start to feel more lazy.

Release.

It seems as though a one-time thing,
Has quickly changed to need.
Hopefully I'll be forgiven
Of this crazy, dependent deed.