A fascinating poem, very simple and heart soothing. I really impress the way you wrote your piece here, obviously expert! The sequential of word choice, the rhythm the flows and the scheme are written very well.

because only with you
my words turn out to be
lyrical breath; syllables
represent your heartbeat

^^one of my favorite part in this stuff...I love the metaphors here...as you wrote the "my words turn out to be
lyrical breath" and "syllables
represent your heartbeat" clever imagery...the spectrum of thoughts here are very simple that halted the powerful emotion and feelings in the author. Very impressive. One of my favorite poem:)
5/5

'However, I do not know
whether the silence between us
is unlasting or whether it
stands for our parting.'

I am yet to have seen a part that I can relate to more than this one. What I loved about this poem is the contradiction between your title and your true self. You are a great poetess in my opinion, and you do sometimes magic with words, but the way you feel humble and unable is what broke my heart here. The way you simply made this poem flow is really enjoyable.
I just have something to add here - in the opening, you said 'hoard precious moments'. Isn't there an 'of' needed in between? So it will be like 'your hoard of precious moments'? To me, the first one seemed wrong.

In all, I could relate & liked the read. :)

Oh me oh my Jen I looveeeee this poem because I have been there one too many times!!

syllables
represent your heartbeat

^^ loved that line.. That was so creative and even though its a metaphor, that can be true!! We count heartbeats the way we can count our syllables! I love the comparison!

However, I do not know
whether the silence between us
is unlasting or whether it
stands for our parting.

^ Way to leave the poem sort of open ended...giving the person this is to a chance to think about it and answer which one silence stands for...silence is a killer I hate it!

Great poem! I LOVED IT!

That's pretty sis! :)

I love this first stanza. I love the way you have opened up this poem. The idea that the feelings are put on ice makes me think that the feelings are on hold for now and can be thawed at any time.

I love the images and there's that hint of sadness throughout the tone and the words.

An awesome write hun!

LOVED IT

x

Eeeek! I am sorry, Andrea, really I need sleep. Read that whole sentence in a wrong way! haha. ;P

Ah. This piece is beautiful. Every line is a gem, every phrase has a hidden meaning, so I won't pick this poem apart.
The beginning catches the eye, very interesting, nothing to comment critically.

"Once I plucked up courage
you found me knocking
at your door; asking for help"

Sorry. Just had to quote that^^ 'plucked' gave a magnificent imagery. The image that comes to mind is a sweet innocent girl plucking a flower, and like plucking a flower, it seems unintentional. So when the persona 'plucked up courage' it was perhaps instinctive and the only time she realized what she's done is when she's at his door. Agh. That gave me inspiration, so thanks lol.

"because only with you
my words turn out to be
lyrical breath; syllables
represent your heartbeat
that seems to be shaky."

There seems to be a problem with the counting of nouns. 'Words' is tied to 'breath', so breaths. 'Syllables' as well, is connected to 'heartbeat', so it should be heartbeats. Hope that's right, if not, please be kind and ignore that haha.

"However, I do not know
whether the silence between us
is unlasting or whether it
stands for our parting."

Yes, yes. I agree. Another quote-worthy stanza. I love the assonance and message, of course.
Keep writing :)
-X

What a sad piece of poetry and yet it's wonderful to read, each line reveals the emotion penned as brilliant and easy as a river flows

Incredible is all i can say. 5/5

Amazing poem 5/5 :)

Never ignore what you feel cause those emotions make you human

and sometimes they are hard to express but it is better to say it than bottle it up

good poem
5/5

You hoard precious moments
and fill your cheeks with feelings,
that are now put on ice for me.

^^ WOW! Nice start!
Definitely sounds as though you are going through a break up or lost friendship or similar.. 'put on ice' seems to either give the interpretation of putting something on hold or something turning cold - no longer living ie dying...

Trying to prepare for
my heart hibernating.

^^your heart is still intact - a good thing! - but is in pain perhaps that is now going into hiding as such? No longer wanting to take part in any form - whichever form - of love.

While I was waiting, I wrote,
about a lot of what was invisible
and completely ignored,
just like my feelings were often
completely ignored, by you, by me
and everything I refused to be.

^^you didnt listen to you were feeling obviously.. Perhaps until the last moment when it was too late? And the person you write about either didnt share your feelings, was selfish or betrayed you perhaps? 'invisible' could imply "nothing" as in you wrote about the nothings that went on.. Unfulfilled [day] dreams?

Once I plucked up courage
you found me knocking
at your door; asking for help

^^ you decided to tell this person how you felt..? You found the courage to do so...
Then again asking a friend 'for help' but not receiving it which was a let down and caused the afore-mentioned emtions? Hmm.. Two connotations here now..

because only with you
my words turn out to be
lyrical breath; syllables
represent your heartbeat

that seems to be shaky.

^^the love/ heartbreak theory shines through..
Your courage falters when faced with reality...

However, I do not know
whether the silence between us
is unlasting or whether it
stands for our parting.

^^ now you are uncertain of this persons feelings..?
Whether they are just shocked to hear you share the same feelings or shocked that you have such feelings to begin with..
A masterful ending full of questions that keeps the readers guessing and also allows them to fill in their own storyline I guess.

Overall, a remarkable piece. You have expressed plenty of emotion; it flowed really nicely; snippets of imagery which is always nice; left the poem open ended.. I dont know if that was for readers to fill in the last piece of the puZzle with their own story so it was just that bit more relatable still, or if it was tactful suspense ..?

Masterful!!

5/5

You hoard precious moments
and fill your cheeks with feelings,
that are now put on ice for me.

^^ WOW! Nice start!
Definitely sounds as though you are going through a break up or lost friendship or similar.. 'put on ice' seems to either give the interpretation of putting something on hold or something turning cold - no longer living ie dying...

Trying to prepare for
my heart hibernating.

^^your heart is still intact - a good thing! - but is in pain perhaps that is now going into hiding as such? No longer wanting to take part in any form - whichever form - of love.

While I was waiting, I wrote,
about a lot of what was invisible
and completely ignored,
just like my feelings were often
completely ignored, by you, by me
and everything I refused to be.

^^you didnt listen to you were feeling obviously.. Perhaps until the last moment when it was too late? And the person you write about either didnt share your feelings, was selfish or betrayed you perhaps? 'invisible' could imply "nothing" as in you wrote about the nothings that went on.. Unfulfilled [day] dreams?

Once I plucked up courage
you found me knocking
at your door; asking for help

^^ you decided to tell this person how you felt..? You found the courage to do so...
Then again asking a friend 'for help' but not receiving it which was a let down and caused the afore-mentioned emtions? Hmm.. Two connotations here now..

because only with you
my words turn out to be
lyrical breath; syllables
represent your heartbeat

that seems to be shaky.

^^the love/ heartbreak theory shines through..
Your courage falters when faced with reality...

However, I do not know
whether the silence between us
is unlasting or whether it
stands for our parting.

^^ now you are uncertain of this persons feelings..?
Whether they are just shocked to hear you share the same feelings or shocked that you have such feelings to begin with..
A masterful ending full of questions that keeps the readers guessing and also allows them to fill in their own storyline I guess.

Overall, a remarkable piece. You have expressed plenty of emotion; it flowed really nicely; snippets of imagery which is always nice; left the poem open ended.. I dont know if that was for readers to fill in the last piece of the puZzle with their own story so it was just that bit more relatable still, or if it was tactful suspense ..?

Masterful!!

5/5