Comments : What if

  • 11 years ago

    by Kelwin lost in thought

    Of course. I'd doanythything

  • 11 years ago

    by Tracy D Rollings

    I like the poem, well written did a good job, but to me, i would lose the question marks.. thanks ,TDR

  • 11 years ago

    by Paul Gondwe

    What if i fell
    would you help me up
    and make sure i was ok?

    What if i was alone
    would you stay with me
    and make me feel wanted?.......
    ....Like how you introduce your poem here. You want to be assured that your love will always be there for you in everything. Love how you use the questions to connect with your readers.

    What if i was crying
    would you hold me
    and let me cry on your shoulder?

    What if i was scared
    would you make me feel safe
    and not leave my side?.........

    Really loved these two stanzas. You always feel safe in the arms of the one you love and that's exactly what you want to feel when you are with this person. You want to know if they will always be there in all times for you.

    What if i was dieing
    would you cry
    and miss me?

    What if i love you
    would you love me back
    and make me feel happy?......
    I think you should put a comma after the line 'what if i love you' and i think it should be in past tense like 'what if i loved you'....overall i really liked this poem, all i can suggest is that you capitalize the i's. Really do that please.

    Would you?

  • 11 years ago

    by DeviousCharmer

    I liked it. only critism is that i think the questions make it sound like a letter and not a poem