Comments : Asleep.

  • 11 years ago

    by KRYSTAL B

    Very sad but I loved it, thanks for sharing

  • 11 years ago

    by Hallucinostic

    Yknow this is really good, great actually. I love the way you used the repeating lines at the beginning and end, it gives the poem a song-ish kinda feel, well, Im not sure if I made sense there lol, but yeah, all in all this is great. :)

  • 11 years ago

    by PETER EDWARDS

    Another beautiful but sad poem from this very talented Writer. I enjoyed reading this.
    Keep writing!

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    * upto is two words up to.
    * peaceful only has one L

    I loved this poem, I liked the continuous flow fromt he start to the end and how each line flowed into the next.

    The loss in this poem, I can relate to, and I think you have penned it so movingly and so true. I understand the pain and I adored the way you described how in your dreams you get to be with your baby so you want to stay asleep to stay with him. Then the unbarable pain of waking up knowing that it was all a dream again.

    The repetition worked relaly well and was actually the bit that gripped my heart the most.

    As for your title, at first I thought it was asleep because you were talking about him being peacefully at sleep now, but on second thoughts it could also be because when you are asleep this is what you dream of and where you feel close to him. So I like your choice as it fits perfectly to the poem.

    Thanks for sharing this, I relate to every word and think you have bravely penned this tough situation and loss.

    Keep writing.

  • 11 years ago

    by LostWords

    Wow, no words describe this pain. I'm sorry for the loss of your child doesn't even seem enough. You write such powerful words.
    I relate to the pain in this poem only from second hand. I cannot even begin to imagine how truly painful that would be.

    I loved the repetition in this as well.

    Your work is always incredible.

  • 11 years ago

    by CRAFTY KEN

    Very touching Becca, we all live in this "Veil of tears" called the world.

    Good work, 5/5

    Ken

  • 10 years ago

    by lillie

    Wow very beautifully written, I got goosebumps reading this no joke.. I know how you feel it reminded me of a good friend who passed and all i have is a pic of us together, one picture, this poem made me tear up 5/5