Heart of Gold

One lonely day I was hopefully surfing the internet
a saucy ad said "describe yourself and see what you may get"
I've been called beat up from the feet up and tore up from the floor up and this is what I have to say
"Im no role model for a male model but Im charming in my own way"
My rearends almost not there, in fact its rather flat
people whisper" behind" my back " I cant believe he sits on that"
I have a rather large adams apple, why its so big theres no tellin"
sometimes I wear a turtleneck sweater to hide my adams watermelon.
I like to wear baggy pants and tank top like I am gang bangin"
but my arms are so skinny, folks say "excuse me sir you have a piece of string hangin"
I have a rather large head resting on my shoulders
what kind of shampoo do I use? of course its head and boulders. ( all dome and no ones home)
I have a rather large forehead and many have pointed and said
"his forehead is so large we call it a fivehead."
You might think Im from Moscow, I say this with out blushin"
my hairlines quickly receding to the back of my head...in fact its Russian.
Lets be nosy about my nose, I find it rather unique
kind of like someone crossed a swordfish with a parrots beak.
I have short fat feet that look like ping pong paddles
my hands are small and tiny like a baby waving a rattle.
I have a gut feeling my stomachs not flat at all
and when I raise my shirt looks like I swallowed a basketball.
My lil' mustache may tickle you. its a thin upper lipper
in fact its so small I trim it with nail clippers.
When it comes to teeth I lost one than another
and when I rarely smile I look like a jack o' lanterns brother.
enough of my shortcomings,good traits I am summing,Im told
Im really loyal ,gentle and sincere with a heart of gold!
-Santacruz-
(such silly nonsense)