Cherry

by Thomas   Sep 11, 2012


How I crave to pop your cherry
Fill your body with endorphins
To see your muscles contracting
To hear your breath accelerating
To take complete control
of every move you make
To turn your bed into
a humid safe haven
Where no secrets exists
and all is visible
Where God is the only name
that is uttered
Where moaning is the only
way of communicating
Time is not of the essence
since it doesn't exist in this span of time
All there is, is the two of us
and everything we have to share

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  • 11 years ago

    by average thoughts

    Where no secrets exists
    and all is visible
    Where God is the only name
    that is uttered
    Where moaning is the only
    way of communicating..

    Excellent thomas..

  • 11 years ago

    by Lioness

    Wow

    Ok firstly I did not expect that lol I was thinking of maybe Cherry flavours or lips (not those kind of lips :">) but you know lol

    I love that it was a surprise to me. It really was awesome and I enjoyed the read!

    x

  • 11 years ago

    by Jenna Bella Oldridge

    Thomas, I loved this piece. Each line helped to show the feelings you wanted to express and you did a good job at setting the scene up inside my head.

    I have one fault though and that is the opening line. I feel that you could word that better as it sounds kind of high school. What I mean is alot of teenagers I know have used the expression "I want my cherry popped" or "I'd love to pop her cherry". I think the expression is overused and too common. Maybe you could word it differently?give that opening line the same feeling you gave the rest of the piece.

    Anyway that to one side I loved the rest of the poem

    5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    I agree with Luce, I love that it isn't too explicit... it's sensual and erotic enough to capture the reader but not too explicit to maybe scare them away since I know some readers get uncomfortable reading them. I love reading erotic poems because it brings back flashbacks of my favorite moments, lol. The feelings, the rush, the love.

    Keep it up! :)

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    Thomas,

    I'm not sure what to say, other than, you always surprise me.

    This is again one well written piece, it does makes the mind wonder.
    However, what I like the most is that it's not explicit per se. It just says enough for the reader to grasp what the poem is about.

    and that's talent, keep it up

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