Waiting in the dark

by vishwa   Sep 16, 2012


8760 of hours, 21900 of minutes and 525600 of seconds
she remembered him .......
not counting every time she breathed.....
she cried in the dark at night , during bright day she pretended to be happy....
But does he care if she is alive or dead?
Questioning god everyday same question,
"How can i love him so much after knowing he left me for ever?
She know how it feels to be unloved, depressed ,waiting for him .......
There was still that hope, in to her mind she know her lover can't betray her.......
Trusting her lover,days began to pass......
months turned in to years..........
Now, she was 18............
He came to her like honey bees comes to honey
she cried of happiness ............ :)
she knew if you love some one ..........
you have to believe ,trust that person even though he left.........

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  • 12 years ago

    by vishwa

    Thanks you so much!!!!!!! i will fix it.........

  • 12 years ago

    by Darren

    65 visits and not a single comment,

    Not fair is it?

    Ok

    To be honest I think the '.............' and the shape have put people off,
    There is a great message in this, the pace is really quick,

    ok the nits

    line 2 'breath' should be 'breathed'
    'during bright day' should be 'during bright days'

    In line 6 I would add 'a' between 'everyday' and 'single'

    line 7 'i' should be 'I' and forever is one word.
    Line 8 'know' should be 'knows' and depress should be 'depressed'
    line 9 'know' should be 'knows'
    line 11, into is one word
    line 12 year should be 'years old' or drop the word 'year' altogether.
    line 13, either 'like a' or 'honey bees'
    line 15 'u' should be 'you'

    Then I would re arrange the whole thing, Write each line and read aloud as you do, when you pause for breath, start a new line,

    I hope this helps you.

  • 12 years ago

    by vishwa

    Please any one rate my poem ......... i would be happy to see my mistakes......
    Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    :)
    :)

  • 12 years ago

    by vishwa

    Please any one rate my poem ......... i would be happy to see my mistakes......
    Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    :)
    :)

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