"I can feel lightning strikes
my heart whenever we would"
This was a bit awkward, I think you're missing a word. lol. Maybe "in" after strikes, or before "my"? Or maybe I can feel THAT lightning strikes my heart. Something here is missing, but I LOVE the sentiment.. really beautiful.
Your first stanza (and the line after) had me in awe. I have this thing about feeling safe in arms - once you have that feeling you don't want to ever let go of it, it's truly beautiful, isn't it? And leading into knowing God exists, it's like he sent this man and these arms to you, to prove to you He is real, that He doesn't want anything but happiness and good for you. WOW what a few lines can do to my brain! lol GORGEOUS
I love the sound of thunder and now I love it even more lol. I've never quite seen thunder/lightning romanticized, not in this way anyway, and now I'm sad I didn't think of it first, haha! This is really gorgeous imagery here.
The ending and the line breaks.. sigh. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. I love how you've separated "I welcome it" for such a dramatic emphasis. Gah. Gorgeous poetry!
I'm not even lieing Liz, I just read that last line and goosebumps just shot down the right side of my arm....
Absolutely love what you have done here. How you took that expression and turned it into this metaphor of an electric kiss...*sigh*..what else is one supposed to say about this poem besides how adorabely beautiful it is?
I loved the last line!! I just liked the use of "welcomed". . Rather that accepter, or just ending it with "in this case it has"....welcomed was such a great word! Shows you just really embrace the moment..
So happy you posted something again. Nominated :)
9 years ago
Excellent write. I really like how you use lightning to describe the electricity between you and your lover. I love the connection and I enjoy the sweetness of this read.
Liz, Another great poem by you. What I loved about this one was it's softness and how the reader can lose his or herself in your words. I also liked how you spoke of the saying "Lightening never strikes in the same place twice". You ended the poem so positively it leave the reader feeling hopeful.
Hey Liz....it's nice to see a poem from you after such a long time and a winner at that so congratulations dear lady.
Just something that I feel isn't quite right in this stanza...
I can feel lightning strikes
my heart whenever we would
kiss and the sound of thunder
echoes throughout my body.
In the first line you say you can feel which means we are in the present tense, then you say would which is past and finally the sound of thunder echoes which...again is present tense. Just something that needs fixing either way....you were probably caught up in the moment of theis kiss and your mind was a little frayed haha!!!!
also...I think strikes should be singular...strike?