Comments : Three Demons

  • 9 years ago

    by NobodyKnowsItButMe

    "I watched as rays shattered through infrared skies,

    exploded between mountain peaks;

    blurred in their faultless, untouchable haze,

    and I bit my cheek until it bled."
    Sensuous imagery! Wow! Well penned!

  • 9 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    A lovely piece! The most attractive is this part "I bit my cheek until it bled"
    I think "sun rise" should be one word as "sunrise"
    Great job

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    [Weekly Contest Comment: 12/31/12]

    The beauty of this poem makes me not want to even imagine explaining the thoughts I held after reading this. To me, watching the sunrise is something so precious, something so timeless. I desire to do that with someone. I really cannot personally remember the last time I actually got up, sat down, and watched the sun's ascent. The poet paints this into reality, into a love that really became a part of this poet's daily life, daily heartbeat. The pain here seems inevitable, yet the way the poet speaks the question of knowing about the pain is a tender and weak moment. The greatest sadness here is when I read how this love seemed to know, maybe from the start, that a break-up would come. Was it always doomed? The last two lines are incredibly thought-provoking, showing the strength of this speaker....I can't imagine watching someone slowly come to hate you. It leaves me with mystery. Whether the speaker fell in love yet fell too hard and relied on this person too much and if they themselves were their own downfall. Prosaic and well-versed emotions. Well done.

  • 9 years ago

    by Ninth Muse

    I stayed awake to see the first sun rise without you;
    how else would I be sure another day existed?

    ^^ I like how you started this out, it painted an image in my mind of someone who's been broken yet hasn't exactly pieced together what they should be feeling. As in, a numb, under-slept woman trying to figure things out in her mind while it's at war in a sense and trying to comprehend what's happened.

    I watched rays shatter through infrared skies,
    exploding between mountain peaks,
    and I bit my cheek until it bled.

    ^^This is a beautiful description of a sunrise, I feel like it's also metaphorical as well as a physical sunrise.

    It was a nightmare until the words were spoken,
    then retractibility of seconds past
    fell to more pieces than wholes.

    ^^I want to say that 'retractibility' should be spelled 'retractability', but I could be completely wrong. It's an odd word. (Not to use, I just mean it's odd word in general) I apologize if I'm wrong, but it looked misspelled.

    I could've glued us together,
    but our cracks had grown ugly,
    and you know we would've fractured again.

    ^^ It's hard when this happens in a relationship/friendship, when things fade and fall apart and there is nothing that can be done. A positive to it, is the fact that you realize that you aren't truly meant to be with them.

    I want to believe withdrawal
    is better than waiting as you learn resentment,
    but damn these demons that stalk me in the night.

    ^^ Powerful. Again this makes me think back to what I mentioned in the first stanza, that is still at the stage where what happened is un-comprehensible in a sense.

    Grief hunts always with his brothers, guilt and doubt.

    ^^I like the wisdom here. It's so true, yet heartbreaking. I also really like the title and how it ties in with the poem, it's what drew me in.

  • 8 years ago

    by jose zepeda

    The depths of sorrow and despair...
    The way you describe it


  • 6 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    This is a brilliant poem - truly. The imagery is phenomenal! All the stanzas are superb, but two and three are breath-taking. Such a powerful end too. Hell, I love it all, lol