Exodus

And ok.... so I did go through the whole poem... oh well. xxxxxxx

Halo, this poem is so deep and I can imagine wasn't easy writing it out. I am not going to go through the whole poem but there are just some parts that I really liked and had certain thoughts about:

"What would you do if I told you I was leaving?"

In my head I told you that I would
vomit in my lap, tuck the experience
away with the rest of my childhood
fantasies that had been shattered.

That is not what I did though.

- I really get the image here of a young version of you trying to look strong and brave on the outside but inside being terrified at the thought of the change which was going to occur before your eyes. The line of your childhood fantasies being shattered really touched me- it implies that all through your childhood you never have felt truly happy and that there has always been something there to make you feel sad.

I asked the why's, how's, what's and where's
a thousand times, tried to persuade answers
out of your emotional wreckage and then I
agreed with you, gave you advice, even
pretended to be there for you.

- in this verse it is like the roles are reversed and you are the adult trying to help the child. This saddens me and I can relate to this. The tone here shows how distant the relationship is which is sad because it should not be this way at all.

I sipped on my water, wishing it was a glass
full of tears, because I couldn't cry. I only
dwelled in the empty feelings that were all
too familiar to me. Life was gone, more of
it was gone, less of it was gone...

What's the difference if you're meant to live in misery?

- these lines are so deep, for something to affect you so much that it makes you want to cry but it is so overwhelming and too painful that instead it turns you numb inside. The tears freeze inside and do not release themselves. It is an awful feeling. Your depression really speaks between these lines here and sets the tone that from that day you totally gave up in looking forward.

Maybe I would have allowed myself to feel,
if I hadn't been corrupt so young and
early, maybe I would have felt it if I hadn't
been betrayed before I could even understand
what it meant. If only I had grown up
wholesome and pure, maybe I could have
screamed at you, or thrown something at
you or God forbid, tell you something
that I actually felt.

If I could feel.

arrgh - I really feel so much of this pain you are writing. This part I think is the deepest part of the poem because for me it is the whole point. That this taking place in your life, and so young and early has damaged you in a way that you cant ever heal from. There is so much we could be better at if this pain wasnt there, like you said about feeling things and showing them and not shutting off from feelings and also love. When people who are supposed to love us the most hurt us and let us down, the ones who are meant to be the ones to protect us, it leaves us little hope for the other people we will meet. <3 I love this stanza and I truly understand this emotion.

I told you I had other obligations and
needed to leave, and thought to myself
that I couldn't believe you looked so
pathetic. I mentally beat myself up
over not feeling sorry for you, realized
that you had been too selfish to make
sure I didn't become exactly like you.

- again it is like the roles being reversed. Like you were meant to give up the plans you had in order to stay and take care of her. ( the way a parent is meant to for a child ) I think it is really hard to watch someone be this way at such a young age, especially the bond, if you dont have that and experience it the way it shoudl be, we struggle when we try to make bonds with other people and we do not want to become this person but it is what we have seen growing up and we do not always know naother way to be.

Your added conversation at the end in brackets is very powerful because it shows that they think they are the only ones feeling it and what you are screaming back inside is that you are feeling it too!

(Keep talking to me and realize that while you
stewed in your misery, you were taking me with
you, thus leaving you without anyone. Maybe
one day you will realize that if you had gotten
help a long time ago, we could go on with our
lives now. Thank you for bringing me here with
you and leaving me when I'm at my worst.)

- this ending is so powerful. I feel exactly the same, maybe with a bit of help and if they managed to deal witht hings different then it wouldnt have affected us so much and maybe the bond would have been better and not damaged. To feel truly left when you need them the most is heart breaking, it is a pain that can never be put into words to explain and something so deep it is always there.

This poem touched me very deeply and I admire you for writing it, and thank you for putting into words something which I could not manage to do myself. You are such an inspiration and talented writer, never stop. xxx

This is a really touching piece..

Great job^_^