Never Got to Mourn You Shaston

I feel your loss everyday,
Even though I can't show it.
If I were to show how i truly feel,
I would be persecuted.
You and I didn't have the best relationship with each other, we fought more than we loved.
But when we loved it was more than words can express,
At least to me it was.
I feel your loss and miss you greatly,
I never thought that you would ever leave this earth before me.
If only you had stopped,
stopped saying that you were going to die.
If only you had stopped,
asking me what I would do without you,
I wouldn't have had to find out.
I feel your loss everyday and I have to hide it.
I have to hide it from the wonderful man that does love me, in every way that you wouldn't.
I have to hide it from our son.
He doesn't know about you yet, but he will someday.
I see you in him, almost everytime I look at him.
He has yours eyes, your innocence, your heart and curiosity of the world.
The only thing I can hope to achieve is to make sure that he doesn't end up like you.
Gone at the tender age of 18.
Now we all have to try to move on, move on and try to forget what an impact you had on my life, even though I don't want to admit it.
I love you. I have always loved you. Even though I know you never loved me back in the way that I love you.
I miss you deeply.
I would give anything for you to be alive again, or to be able to go get you that night when I wanted to. I stupidly let everyone talk me out of it.
I love you Shaston Cord Cranford, always.