Unborn child

The self infliction,
the drugs,
the alcohol,
i am not only killing myself anymore
there is a human growing inside of
me a life that i am creating without
even trying and every puff from the
cigarette hurts my unborn child.
every cut takes away from my child.
every drink every sip hurts me and
my child.
i want to stop yet i do not its as if i do not
care yet i do it tears me up knowing
i might lose my child,
why is it still so hard to just stop just give it
all up.
i want my child i truly do. yet again ill make the wrong
choice. i wish i had the self restraint i have seen in
so many mothers. i ask myself everyday why i even
deserve to have this child if i can not quit my habits.