That was my first time to really fall in love with
somebody.It's been beautiful,it's been crazy,it's been
magical. And if the universe was on my side,this will
be the last time i will fall in love with someone.
That was the ending of my original article. I wish I
can still end this that way...but i can't.
Friday,September 12,2003....
My boyfriend left me...I can not blame him,I've had
jealous moments and episodes of paranoia which is
pretty normal for people who gotten hurt countless of
times in the past. But i guess they became too much
for him to handle. he said he can not be with someone
who doesn't trust him.
But i do trust him. i trust him with my life. i just
had a suck way of showing it.
Somewhere deep inside of me, there's a little part
they might even be proud of him that in leaving me
he's actually sticking to his principles. Maybe when
the intense pain goes away, I can start listening to
that little part. maybe I can be happy for him, happy
that he was able to stand up for himself.
Not yet. Because I still love him. I love him in ways
I've never loved anyone before. but if leaving him
alone and giving him peace is what it would take to
make him happy, i would do it for him. Even if it
hurts like hell.
I never begged for anyone to stay before, but i tried
it with him. She still decided to walk away.
We had built dreams and made plans. little plans, big
plans...we were dreaming of a beautiful house with a
nice bathroom. we dreamt about going back to school
and enhance our knowledge. I wanted to massage his feet
and sing to him every night before we went to sleep.
He wanted to keep planning surprises for me.
For the first time in my life, I saw my future
clearly. i had a goal to work for, I had a blueprint
for the rest of my days...
It's hard to believe that it's over now...Just simply
over without any further explanations...just he fell
out of love on me! Just like that!
The first man I really fell in love with was also the
first person who broke up with me, the very first
person who really broke my heart!
I am not an idiot.I let him slip through my fingers,
let him turn his back, let him slam the proverbial
door.
Now all I'm left with is a broken heart, a folder with
pictures and a box of memories of countless firsts
with this wonderful man.
