The Other Side

by Dakota   Jun 10, 2014


Everything you ever had told me
was a lie
i wish i could go die
nothing was going to be alright
i wish i can finally just see the light
i see the blood coming from my wrist just dripping
i can't see much but i know that i'm tripping
the darkness is all around me i can't see
all of my demons have already beat me
all i can see is the blood coming from all of the cuts
all of the people around me might think i'm nuts
but i don't even care anymore
my whole body is starting to get sore
my whole life, everything anyone ever told me was a lie
i just wish i could just go be alone and die
would you all just leave me alone so i could do this
so i could meet everyone on the other side???

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by BlueJay

    As well written as this piece is there are a few things that would probably make it a little bit better. Just in technique mostly. The only thing that is not in the technique is me saying that I totally support poets that don't capitalize the word i when it gives life to the piece or personality, but the fact you only capitalized the very first word in the piece and that word did not need emphasis it is clear this was not done for an artistic purpose. This being said, I believe the piece would be more unified and have a more expressed strength if you were to capitalize something - either the I s or words you want to emphasize ( like die and darkness or other side or something?) but of course this is just a suggestion. The only other thing you might want to improve is only having one "?' at the end of the piece. By putting three I got very distracted.

    Other than this (and by this I mean nothing to harm, hurt, or upset you, merely to help) the piece is very well done. The flow is smooth and the word choice is simple but still has power and personality. Also the style you chose worked very well for this piece.

    All in all this is a very well written piece.

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