Secretly Hope

by Devon   Oct 19, 2014


It was a simple promise that she made. I waited with hope.
Time past through- with seconds ticking loudly in my mind. She must've forgotten.
Another hour swifted by, like the sorrowful tones of sweet autumn.
Oh, autumn, autumn, followed by another, and another.

Summer was kind.
I began to calm, to self-heal, and to prepare for the disappointment.
Never knew that a bit of carelessness can hurt a brute like me.
Or, could it be a lie? Wish if only I knew.

10PM, 11PM, and 12...
The sword of midnight clock pierced through
my heart, my soul, and my most valued possession;
my feelings for you.
I secretly wish that the numbness of winter will bring me closure.

I am tired for the night, yet still not ready to close my eyes.
The moon gazed; It gazed at my naiveness.
Tears wished; fingers crossed for spring to never come.
It is way too soon; the morning light.
This is not how I planned; the seasons of my short evening.

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Liz

    No problem. That works well, too :D

  • 9 years ago

    by Liz

    It is very sad when people make us promises that seem to never be followed through. That's kind of what I'm understanding here.

    "10PM, 11PM, and 12...
    The sword of midnight clock pierced through
    my heart, my soul, and my most valued possession;
    my feelings for you."
    ^
    I absolutely love the way you compared the hour hand to the sword of midnight piercing through. Clever.

    "She most've forgotten."
    ^ should be "must have", not most've.

    "I secretly wish that the numbness of winter cold will bring me closure"
    ^ I think you could pull this off without using the word "cold", just keep it "the numbness of winter". (Just an opinion

    "I am tired for the night, but yet still not ready to close my eyes."
    ^
    You could also eliminate the "but" from this sentence. But and yet sort of work the same way. Again, just an opinion.

    Overall, good poem. Very relatable and I like that about it.

    • 9 years ago

      by Devon

      Thanks so much for reading through my poem. I have took some of your suggestions, but decided to keep the "must have " as "must've". I am well aware that the ladder is not the proper way for formal writing, but somehow the fluency sounded better to me when I read it. I appreciate your time.

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