Comments : This Poem Is No Bluebell

  • 9 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    Those orange streetlights
    that are illuminating the cars that are parked
    speak to me in silent odes and lullabies.

    ^ These three lines are powerful to begin the poem with. One thing I think could be taken out though is the first "that" because I think the poem would flow more smoothly. But wow this is a great way to describe the scenes around you, the nightlights tell me that it is starting to get dark and Anything can be a real muse for us too.

    I never believed that the night breeze
    could hold so much nostalgia,
    but it is happening now;

    ^ Wow this is also powerful. I love how you describe the magic of a moment that can bring us back to good or even bad times. and you as the writer take us into that moment in time and make us feel something with you inside. There is past and present tense here, The past which is bring back memories is formulated by the present moment that you are living in now, such a great verse and imagery.

    and remorse is trying to engulf the moment--
    urging me to behold the Narcissus within me.

    ^ Sadness wants to creep back into your heart and soul and it makes you want to think about yourself and not care, this tells me that this poem is written about a certain person in your life who you were really close to. This is a wonderful write dashiel! 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by alka mendiratta

    Dashiel you are so talented .
    The imagery drawn in this poem leaves the reader see you lost in the past moments,and enjoying them in present.Beautiful write :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    I was thinking at times its when we are the happiest, sadness tries to walk back in and zaps the smile out of life. I like the imagery here and the soothing tone tinted with a sad note.

  • 8 years ago

    by Sunshine

    This is extra creative, the word choice is just outstanding and fresh.

    From title to the 1st line to the last word and last period, this was just a master piece.

    The magical moment described the way you chose to, added a breath of personal yet charming imagery.

    This is a sport on poem, hope you make it to the front page.