Comments : A Dysphoric Drizzle

  • 8 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I can so relate to that opening stanza - very powerful, and the mention of being chained by sanity was great.

    Great collab together - it flows so well, and you honestly would not know this was from two different writers, it has been constructed well and put together perfectly! SO well done for that.

    Good choice of narration for the poem to add in parts of speech, makes it really different and easy to imagine this scene taking place.

    I am double checking that you meant "scarred animal" and not "scared animal" - I think both would make sense, but because the image I got was of an animal who was shy and scared by the unknown hand reaching in, I did not get the "scarred" as the adjective and wondered if you meant scared?
    But great metaphor to use.

    Excellent choice to end the poem with too, revisiting the sound of the rain, and using that to emphasise the point that you loved him a great deal.

    Great job guys!

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Wow, love the last verse - so powerful. Thanks for sending me that link - very, very good. As Baby says, you wouldn't know this was two different writers - it's got a lovely natural flow to it. Well written. Five from me

  • 8 years ago

    by cassie hughes

    A wonderful collab with nothing to indicate that it is from two different writers. No mean feat!

    Powerful from the very begining and packed with emotion the first person point of view works so well and draws the reader in as if in conversation.

    A great write indeed :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    This shows no evidence of been a collab! The two of you have set the tone, mood and atmosphere so beautifully touching in a picture frame. The image is vivid and the flow of the write is flawless. I also like how the intro started with the rain and ended with the rain..touching.

  • 8 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    This is really amazing o.O Collabs are so cool when executed like this..... to write a piece with someone so seamlessly and with such great tempo is epic, it flows as smooth as glass and the word choices you two made are wonderful!!!

    I have to agree with all the comments but especially Meenas, it shows no evidence of being a collab when reading.

    Saved to favourites for future droooling! wonderful write guys!

  • 8 years ago

    by Enya

    Wow this is really seamless, beautiful!

  • 8 years ago

    by Bayan

    Wow loved it a lot