Ruminating

Sleepless nights came more regularly than I could have predicted.
Confusion was my norm. Indecisiveness became expected.

Uncertainty was my only certainty.
Having the inability to control my emotions
I started ruminating
Letting my life pass me by

Overthinking in an unhealthy matter

How could she?
What could I have done different?
Analyzing everything she had said
I wanted to find a solution

Only there wasn't because I had no control

I became unbalance
I lost my purpose
I lost my reason
the reason I was on this earth

I was losing myself

obsessing about my relationship
how it ended
what is it about me?
why do they all leave?

rehearsing every moment I felt abandoned

no one has ever truly stayed
no one to count on
a lesbian who has no relationship with either parent
one truth I've learned

I will always be the fooled
loving too many times
always allowing to get hurt
only so I don't feel alone

yet I am always alone
in a full quiet room with loud souls
so I go home
to my safe haven

never to be a fool
to anyone else