Comments : Best Part of Waking Up

  • 8 years ago

    by Daisy if you do

    Michael, First. i love your title. Catchy Commercial jingle that holds fond memories of a part of life for generations. You write of many of my weaknesses, caffeine, nicotine and sugar rushes. Yes, it's not healthy as you state in your poem causing problems. But, we are gluttonous for punishment, or at least I am. You close by saying it could be the cause of death, you are exactly right. Though your poem was serious in nature with the problems caused by overindulgence, you still seemed to make it not so depressing. There is still a lighthearted feel to the poem as if to say, I know my demons by name. Great job on writing this and including all the words. It was quite a difficult thing to do, as I know first hand. Thank you for getting in this poem first and starting the contest. You dear, are a trooper!

  • 8 years ago

    by BlueJay

    I agree about the title, it's definitely interesting and the entire piece feels so completely flawless. The rhymes, as usual with you, feel effortless and the message/meaning still comes through clearly.

    I love seeing everyone's take on such a simple, common thing - like coffee. So interesting!

  • 8 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Your voice is so strong in this. Two lines I really liked:

    "I am a day dreamer,
    not such a straight shooter."

    Great inclusion of all the words asked for too. It reminded me even though coffee can keep us up and I know many doctors ask their patients to not have so much caffeine, how it can affect our daily life, it's still an indulgence, something that is our routine. I liked what Kay said about how you made this lighthearted feel to it too.

  • 8 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    I agree with the above comments, it was the title that made me want to read. Though I'm not a coffee drinker this draws a clear picture of what it is like and how it feels. Some of the lines stand out here and I must say its a very rhythmic read from start to finish!

  • 8 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Hilarious, Michael. Seemingly disjointed rant (life as seen from an over-caffeinated coffee addict). In reality there is a subtle flow not unlike a Philip Glass composition:

    First stanza (point) sets up the proposition of our enjoyment of coffee and the other poisons we consume.

    Next, (counterpoint) the medical and physical impact of the coffee.

    Followed by (point) the fact that we just want the stuff!

    Then (counterpoint) the futility of continuing the indulgence.

    Finally (resolution) the grave is ahead but what the hell, pour a cup.