Comments : To A Friend

  • 4 years ago

    by Cindy

    This is just beautiful Alfred.
    Love Cindy

  • 4 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hello Alfred,
    As Cindy says, this really is a beautiful little piece of poetry that I enjoyed reading more than once!
    "Finding and holding onto the gilded eddies of beautiful people..."

    ^^^^

    magic.

    My only suggestion is "....what makes this journey light up" rather than "lit up"

    Either way, a stunning write. Nominated.

    Take care and all the best,
    Ben

  • 4 years ago

    by DarkLight

    Beautiful

  • 4 years ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello Koan,

    this poem shares an important message...

    Life,
    is an underwater moonlight
    that fades away swiftly
    in the ocean of time..
    ^
    I like the word 'life' alone on its own line. After all, life is ours alone and so should be up there on top. I like too the metaphor of it fading through the deepening water as it disappears through time. Excellent imagery here.
    Just a very small adjustment. add one more '.' after the word 'time' using 3 full stops is what usually signifies a continuation. You used this on your 2nd stanza, so maybe it was a typo?

    Finding
    and holding onto
    the gilded eddies
    of beautiful people
    is what makes this journey
    light up a thousand times brighter
    than any Sun...
    ^
    I like the message here. Life is a life, but what makes it special and meaningful and 'light' is the relationships we pull to our hearts and embrace them and experience their light and make it our own. After all, what are we without each other?

    Well done, I like this a lot.

    Take care,

    Michael

  • 4 years ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello,

    I am so glad I commented on this earlier this week. It is an excellent poem and fully deserving of this weeks win.

    Take care,

    Michael

  • 4 years ago

    by Ren

    Beautiful!
    Congratulations! :)

  • 4 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Beautiful work, Alfred, and a well deserved win:)

  • 4 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This is beautiful and so true in metaphysics

  • 4 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Beautiful people are wonderful.. the heart of a person is brighter than the moon if the soul is filled with compassion...

    this poem is loving , elegant and the wording whisks you away to the moon. Beautiful!

  • 4 years ago

    by Em

    A beautiful poem full of elegance.
    A beautiful heart makes for a beautiful person and often a wonderful friendship and once you have that you shouldn't let it go because as you say in a much better way it makes the world go round much better than money and other things, if that makes sense.

    All in all a lovely write.

    Take care, Em

  • 4 years ago

    by Em

    A beautiful poem full of elegance.
    A beautiful heart makes for a beautiful person and often a wonderful friendship and once you have that you shouldn't let it go because as you say in a much better way it makes the world go round much better than money and other things, if that makes sense.

    All in all a lovely write.

    Take care, Em

  • 4 years ago

    by Em

    Sorry on double post.

  • 3 years ago

    by DarkLight

    Life,
    is an underwater moonlight
    that fades away swiftly
    in the ocean of time..

    .
    .
    The opening is a lovely one, makes the reader wanna keep on to find out what your deal with life is.
    Gives them expectations
    and help them create an imagination of what that could be.

    I love it.

    Then we have this

    Finding
    and holding onto
    the gilded eddies
    of beautiful people
    is what makes this journey
    light up a thousand times brighter
    than any Sun...

    it gives us more about what makes this life beautiful.
    People around us who we love and trust are the ones who makes this journey worthwhile.

    I enjoyed reading your work. keep on writing.