Comments : Pourquoi?

  • 4 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    The poem made me sad. Your word choice were tender. I did not visualise the scene, I went there and listened to- and watched the boat, and what a sad way to put it together (slouched sulkily) this is really heavy on the heart, as though it's going unwillingly, burdened and lost.

    I could feel the silent inner pain, wondering why something happened, why things took a certain course, why did something happen in the first place..

    I felt a strong connection with this piece, it's sad, at the same time you did not exaggerate with your state or in expressing the emotional state of the character, you did not even use directly sad metaphors, but the whole mood just saddened me.

    a touching piece

    • 4 years ago

      by Hellon

      Nana...I really wanted to praise your comment...it's much appreciated, but..I was travelling back to Australia when you left it and now, someone else has done it for me...thank you MKKK...just wanted to acknowledge it myself....

  • 4 years ago

    by Liz

    I love there's so much mystery in this piece. The image you painted for the readers is perfect. When I first read it, I wondered, "WHY WHAT?!?!". lol. But after reading it over several times, I think not knowing why what makes me appreciate this piece more.

  • 4 years ago

    by Brenda

    Such a beautifully imaged write. So alone with your thoughts and yourself. The stark picture you have painted is so sad, I feel your solitude. Well done-

  • 4 years ago

    by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko

    I just love this so much! I'm in love with the sadness of this write. There is such a tenderness in this piece that breaks my heart. The imagery is perfect.

    --- MKKK

  • 4 years ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello Hellon,

    an interesting piece. I like the way you start mid thought, with the word 'and', like this train of thought has been going on for some time and we the reader have just been included...

    The 'rusting' boat may suggest neglect, and/or a past (now) lost life withering into the landscape... The descriptions 'slouched' and 'sulkily' remind me of a teenager, or someone acting in a 'why? ...alright!!' way, rather like the Harry Enfield TV sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lqm8JGnSshE

    The term 'pebbles terraced' paint a beach swept up into a barrier or wall. I have often walked our local beach with no particular purpose as the sun dips into the se; just allowing my mind to wander as the sea back fills my steps. It is at times like these I too wonder, why... Why a boat is left to rust, why those pebbles arrange themselves like a sculpture, why, why, why...

    Like the meandering footsteps, thoughts meander too and ask questions...

    Thank you for sharing your muse.

    Take care,

    Michael

  • 4 years ago

    by Em

    Hellon, there's so much sadness within this write, it screams to me but as always it's an enthralling write (and I expect nothing less from you) seems we all have unanswered questions.

    All the best, Em

  • 4 years ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Congratulations! !!

  • 4 years ago

    by Brenda

    Congratulations on this beautiful write! I loved it from the moment read it. Well done-

  • 4 years ago

    by Em

    Congratulations x

  • 4 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Congrats on your win.

  • 3 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Judging Comment

    Pourquoi: French for why... Oh how I love this poem. The setting of the ocean shoreline, is a place where you can go and question things, sort out your thoughts...

    Hellon using the French word for why adds to this piece, giving it such a unique twist and flare to this poem..

    The visual display is breathtaking! Lovely piece!!