Comments : With Me

  • 7 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    This really is a bittersweet piece of poetry with some lovely descriptive writing and unforced rhyme littered throughout.

    SL

  • 7 years ago

    by Lune de ma vie

    Weave your words around me,
    They feel so good pressed against my skin.
    But you shouldn't speak so earnestly love,
    We can't have them sinking in.
    ^^^^
    Love this opening stanza. The metaphor of the words pressing and sinking into your skin was really well written.

    Lace your laughter between my fingers,
    So I can hold on to what made you smile.
    This way I can pretend we're more than just friends,
    If only for a little while.
    ^^^^
    Wow! Powerful! This is really strong and very emotional. I think we've all been there before and the way you captured this sensation of emotions and the battle of friend/lover is truly monumental.

    Tie your guilt to the back of my heels.
    So I can keep my feet on the ground.
    We know how it can seem, getting lost in a dream.
    How sweet some words can sound.
    ^^^^
    The spell of words truly can be well spellbound. Although they're just words many of us word onto them like they are life savers. It's hard to let go of empty words said by someone you care for so strongly. You really let loose on this stanza and gave a detailed description.

    Then braid our stories through my hair
    So I can smile, as they shake free.
    And lose myself in how it once felt,
    When you were lost with me.
    ^^^^
    What an amazing way to end it, I love the first line, braid our stories through my hair, that is so vivid in the way you wrote it. I love the metaphors throughout it and the entire poem as well.

    5/5

  • 7 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Bitter sweet tale of unrequited love. Slightly different style but still very enjoyable Milly x

  • 7 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Bitter sweet tale of unrequited love. Slightly different style but still very enjoyable Milly x

  • 7 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Bitter sweet tale of unrequited love. Slightly different style but still very enjoyable Milly x

  • 7 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Bitter sweet tale of unrequited love. Slightly different style but still very enjoyable Milly x

  • 7 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Bitter sweet tale of unrequited love. Slightly different style but still very enjoyable Milly x

  • 6 years ago

    by Brise

    This is beautiful!!! I love this :)