N, an amazingly funny sonnet-you really did a great job on this-be proud!

Hello,

it is so nice to see you post a Shakespearean sonnet. I am certainly no expert, but I can offer my advice and hope that helps.

Shall I carry thee to the car in one hit?
^
there are 11 syllables here. The iambic pentameter (IP) is good though up to the word 'thee'
Maybe something like: Shall I carry thee to the car to sit.

Thou art be heavy and weigh mine wrists down
^
here the syllable count is correct, but the IP is out.

Is this something I wanteth to commit?
^
Excellent - IP is correct! However, the 'lingo' word 'wanteth' drags the flow slightly. The word wanted just sound better - but that probably me being pedantic?

though, I may behold liketh a clown
^
9 syllables and IP is off

I gath'r all the bags on mine own arms
^
Excellent

and setteth off in searcheth of the car
^
Well done :)

mine own muscles strain in mine own f'rearms
^
Yes, yes, yes!

bid me I don't needeth to wend too far
^
Good.

I sloweth down as the weight is mucheth
^
Good
at lasteth the car is in mine own view
^
IP is off

just a few m're steps bef're hands toucheth
^
^
IP is off

thanketh to the gymw'rk which cameth through
^
Very good

anon; popeth the trunk, loadeth the car
^
Good

all this ado i des'rve a gold star!
^
Good.

A very funny poem here. Technically it needs some alterations here and there, but it is a fantastic attempt. You have obviously researched and worked hard on this and it shows. Writing a joke into a sonnet is arguably as difficult as it gets - good job from me.

Take care,

Michael

Morning N. I'm to good with sonnets' and the pentameter so I'll leave that to Michael and others who have knowledge on them, all i know as Michael stated its hard to write a funny one and you did it well.

Em

This is very impressive stuff, Naomi. Sonnets are extremely difficult, let alone humorous ones.
Iambic pentameter is difficult but becomes much easier in time. Keep the sonnets up as this shows a natural flair for them

SL

Edits have been made - thanks for the tips all! :)

I liked very much the humour and tongue in cheek approach. An unusual approach to a title that could have more easily been written straight. A nice surprising approach that made me chuckle. Well done on stretching the boundaries of expectation. Milly xx

I liked very much the humour and tongue in cheek approach. An unusual approach to a title that could have more easily been written straight. A nice surprising approach that made me chuckle. Well done on stretching the boundaries of expectation. Milly xx