Comments : A Silent Medley

  • 8 years ago

    by Alec

    I loved the first 8 lines. I was so drawn in to the story, flow, rhythm, rhyme, and imagery. The flow was interupted a bit with the break in form after the first stanza but overall I still enjoyed it very much.

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you, glad you enjoyed it :)

  • 8 years ago

    by mossgirl19

    Beautiful, Maher. Beautiful title, imagery, play of words, and it has conveyed sadness very well.

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you ma'am. I just realised that Alec was right, I had the stanzas mixed up because I didn't have it all in order when I pasted it on here. Lol sorry, I didn't realise. It should read better now :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Darren

    Love this, that first Stanza really grabs you.
    Good job Maher

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you, good sir :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Maher,

    As lovely as your comments are on my work, when I read rhyming and imagery like this, I have to confess, I have an envious stirring in my veins! This is superb writing - truly.

    All the very best,

    Ben

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you my friend, but I definitely say the same for your work! The richness of yours compared to the lack thereof in mine is like night and day. But thank you anyway for the kind words and I'm glad you enjoyed this one :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Maher omg, you dont write for ages them bam you come out with this beauty. Jeez talk about the green eyed monsters coming out lol ;) just kidding.

    1/ Holy fkin sh it.. what are you doing to me. This is good this is really fkin good lol sorry!!! I love the imagery of silence being tasted, is it as horrible as it sounds lol? This lady in her gown is rather enthralling and I can only assume it's about your ex wife seems I saw your comment and she seems to grace (if it's the right word) some of your poetry. I love you a b c b etc rhyme scheme to, it's not often seen much here. Just curious should it be thirty or thirsty hills?

    2/ This is pretty sad but is quite well laid out and I say sad as they seem to live in harmony when all we want is some peace inside because of the hurt they've caused.

    3/ This ending is fantastic though very sombre as if neither of you can move on because I feel the pain stays with you which is heartbreaking but so relatable.

    Swan songs, from beyond the grave, tune, faded dreams and serpentine are the ones I recognised straight away. I love how you included these with ease. I shall leave it there as I re-read it then another pops in lol very clever.

    My only suggestion is to centre the piece but I guess that's personal preference!

    Much love,
    Em

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Hahaha best comment ever! Not the ex wife though, but close enough. Thirty hills does sound weird, but it is right. You'll find out later once it's done :) But most importantly Em, thank you for taking the time to read it and pick it apart. I miss that lol I love to see how people interpret what I write, it's truly amazing and fun :)

    • 8 years ago

      by Em

      Ooh now I am rather intrigued!! :)

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Lol hopefully I get around to it. Consider the piece centred :)

  • 8 years ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    SC - I agree with Em.. you stop writing for ages then BAM throw this in our faces..

    I do hope you actually make this into a song *hint hint* and post for me to see!!!
    I can already hear it... this is just... JESUS MAN! why must you start my week with me in tears!! haha.

    Im glad your writing again, I have missed it. Well done.. SC

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Hahaha thanks USB lol and sorry didn't mean to throw anything!

      This one isn't a song but Thirty Hills might be. Depends on my mood I guess and if I get to writing it.

      I'm glad I was missed, if even a little. Nice to know that people care :)

    • 8 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Ah its your poetry :) so you decide what is and isnt a song! :P

      and of course i missed your work!! you should know this! you should also know i care. your one of my closts friends SC!

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Lol of course I decide what is a song! And aww :p

    • 8 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Well done on the win!

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Thanks USB for nominating it :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Brenda

    Maher, this is amazing! I really do look forward to seeing your work, this is definitely no exception. Well done-

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank ya ma'am, very kind words indeed :)

  • 8 years ago

    by CJ Maleney

    This is outstanding really glad I stumbled across it. Straight into faves

    Craig

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you sir, glad you enjoyed it :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Congratulations on your win. Woohoo!! X

  • 8 years ago

    by mossgirl19

    Congrats on your win, Maher! :-) Love this piece!

  • 8 years ago

    by Brenda

    Maher, congrats on your win! Well deserving front page write!

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Thanks all and thank you for reading it :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Ren

    Amazing write!! So beautiful!! Congrats on the win!! :D

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Why, thank ya ma'am ^_^

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    congratulations on a very well deserved win, Maher

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you, Mr Pickard :)

  • 8 years ago

    by DarkLight

    Congratulations on this win.

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Nicko

    Beautifully written this poem has a wonderful rhythm that I found quite captivating. It has great title that leads into a poem of such rare depth and a sad but compelling love story. It left me wanting more. Loved this well done.

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you, good Sir. Your comment is far above me, but I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

  • 4 years ago

    by Jack

    Amazing! Nicely done and congrats!

    • 4 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you, glad you enjoyed it :)