I loved the first 8 lines. I was so drawn in to the story, flow, rhythm, rhyme, and imagery. The flow was interupted a bit with the break in form after the first stanza but overall I still enjoyed it very much.
Thank you ma'am. I just realised that Alec was right, I had the stanzas mixed up because I didn't have it all in order when I pasted it on here. Lol sorry, I didn't realise. It should read better now :)
Thank you my friend, but I definitely say the same for your work! The richness of yours compared to the lack thereof in mine is like night and day. But thank you anyway for the kind words and I'm glad you enjoyed this one :)
5 years ago
Maher omg, you dont write for ages them bam you come out with this beauty. Jeez talk about the green eyed monsters coming out lol ;) just kidding.
1/ Holy fkin sh it.. what are you doing to me. This is good this is really fkin good lol sorry!!! I love the imagery of silence being tasted, is it as horrible as it sounds lol? This lady in her gown is rather enthralling and I can only assume it's about your ex wife seems I saw your comment and she seems to grace (if it's the right word) some of your poetry. I love you a b c b etc rhyme scheme to, it's not often seen much here. Just curious should it be thirty or thirsty hills?
2/ This is pretty sad but is quite well laid out and I say sad as they seem to live in harmony when all we want is some peace inside because of the hurt they've caused.
3/ This ending is fantastic though very sombre as if neither of you can move on because I feel the pain stays with you which is heartbreaking but so relatable.
Swan songs, from beyond the grave, tune, faded dreams and serpentine are the ones I recognised straight away. I love how you included these with ease. I shall leave it there as I re-read it then another pops in lol very clever.
My only suggestion is to centre the piece but I guess that's personal preference!
Hahaha best comment ever! Not the ex wife though, but close enough. Thirty hills does sound weird, but it is right. You'll find out later once it's done :) But most importantly Em, thank you for taking the time to read it and pick it apart. I miss that lol I love to see how people interpret what I write, it's truly amazing and fun :)
Beautifully written this poem has a wonderful rhythm that I found quite captivating. It has great title that leads into a poem of such rare depth and a sad but compelling love story. It left me wanting more. Loved this well done.