A Depressive Episode

I try to keep it together
I try not to show it.
But I'm falling apart inside.

The pain is becoming harder to ignore
The tears are getting harder to push back.

But I keep pushing it away
I wont let it out.
There are people out there
Who are more important than me.

But its still there
just below the surface.
it keeps building and building.
and I fall back onto my old ways of coping

Cutting
puking
denying myself sleep.

Why does this keep happening to me?

But I know why.
Because I keep it bottled up
I wont let it free

because there are other people out there
who are much more important than me
They need someone to be there for them

I'll be fine
I'll be ok
because I don't matter.
I'm not worth it.