Loved the rhythem and rhyming. In my first read of the first stanza I visualised a group of melancholy dancers dancing and swirling to old firgotten music and pretty much the same on the second until the last line where they fell down your face.
That changed the whole meaning for me. Tears wouldnt dance so i figured snow flakes dancing to the music of the breeze sometimes in a line, sometimes tangled. Finally sliding diwn your face? Milly x
Thank you Milly...I may have failed at it completely but the dancers are refering to tears..:-) I am trying to portray them in a completely different way...thank you so much for reading!
10 months ago
I really enjoyed this poem, and I do think you did an excellent job in creating what you wanted to here, just from the word saturnine which is about depression, I could tell this was about tears falling down from your face, especially with the last line. Your face or perhaps even your cheek seems to be the stage and I really liked each line because of the movement you create, each line has those tears moving down more and more until they eventually fall down your face. They get tangled with each other as tears often do and that tells me you are crying a lot in that moment. The detail is lovely. You make it seem like each year has it's own personality which is something unique, so you did a good job focusing on one object and running with it. Glad to see this nominated.