by DamonRay   Dec 18, 2018

I have messed up more then most could ever imagine.
I ruined my life and hurt those around me.
Seen my loved ones shied tears wishing I’d go back to the man I use to be.
Lost myself letting depression crush the happiness I have or at least I use to before these dark clouds started lingering.
Back in the day if i seen a man needing something I’d give him everything.
Seen a cold man needing a shirt I put mine on him quickly.
Never second guessing a helping hand I just did what I felt I needed to.
Years gone by I had a kid, my beautiful daughter.
Thee best miracle god could give.
Born with a full set of hair and stubborn as could be.
She stayed past 40 weeks in; we had a late pregnancy.
Healthy as could be she was born 11:30am June 11th 2015.
First couple of months I have to admit it wasn’t even close to easy.
Lack of sleep and food but we wanted nothing less then to keep her happy.
Not one day I regret through those times.
Sang to you Cecilia “say something” over and over each time you had this precious smile showing.
Meanwhile me and your momma was falling apart.
Struggles and daily arguments; I know I hurt your mothers hearts.
She was in school plus working everyday.
Running on no sleep but she maintained.
As time went by your daddy had to leave.
I ran from my home state due to the way it became and was scared to face the ruined situations I made.
For a little you and your brother came to stay.
And again i started making my mistakes.
Your mother came and got you and your brother and I let her cause I knew by myself I was worthless and struggling barley able to put food on your plates.
Since then it’s been a terrible roller coaster that I’ve been riding in the front seat ruining my surroundings.
It hurts me everyday to not be with you baby.
I know it’s my fault I know everything that’s happened I did.
I caused a family to become broken; I let something dumb and stupid keep us separated.
I’m finally almost fixed; I seen what i needed to do and slowly I will accomplish my destiny.
Until then cecilia and kaleb please understand daddy loves and misses you both unconditionally...
let mom know I am truly sorry for everything.
I never meant for it or me to be this way but I’ll never quit and i promise I’ll show you all I’m worthy even though recently I’m been worthless to you’ll and the reflection in the mirror I see.
Time is short we have only one life to live and to everyone I will not waste it I will not lose I will strive to win and prove I’m not unworthy.
Just need to keep pushing forward and keep fighting the thoughts I’m trying to hide deep.


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