I enjoy the dialogue in this, it really carries the poem. The verbs you’ve used could be a little stronger in places. I always feel the more adverbs you use, the more your verbs need ‘upgrading’. Not a massive criticism, but in narrative driven poetry, the way the characters act, and do things is a little more vital. Strong piece regardless :)
"She calmly approached him,
while he was carving a wooden bird.
“What does your pen mean to you?”
^I love this! And the way you used dialogue while still remaining extremely poetic in style and voice was incredible. You definitely have done well with the storytelling here also. All in all this is an amazing write, thank you for sharing!
To Me this piece is a sign of a big talent, but too raw. the rawness adds to it attraction, for the medium, but for me is a promise that did not deliver. The scale that it wants to cover is very wast, it doesn't close the circle. It needs huge poetical ability, skill and experience to deliver on a big scale like this. I am sure oneday you recognize that and finish this wonderful masterpiece that you started.
Thank you for your honesty. I see this as encouragement, you won’t be saying this if you don’t want to see more from me. If I do complete the masterpiece as you say, I hope you’ll be there too see it:)
I liked your voice in this and the narrative. I almost feel like this would make a good short story? It seems daunting and also something like a parable, with a deeper message where this man silenced his youth and his potential only to realize in solitude, he gave up on the world and didn't have the effect he could have.
I'm not sure, but this interested me a lot. It's a bit vague in places but I liked the direction you took. I kind of feel like this would read better as prose and given a bit more detail and backstory but this was so neat still, not what was I expecting!