Depressed and lost

by DamonRay   Mar 4, 2019

See I’ve never worried about death because before me no one even knew I’d exist.
Took my first breath a life created yet I myself ruined it.
Was given every opportunity to succeed but wasted those chances and sadly given a second chance; failure is the definition of this so-called DamonRay Reed.
Broken promises. Having dreams so real and amazing, but in reality nightmares with these hands I’m causing success to leave.
Depression hit as a kid; honestly it was all bottled up but you can’t throw stones and expect glass not to break releasing the haunted past carried twenty years deep tucked away.
Thoughts in a head no one would or could comprehend.
Instead a man is judged and continuously saddened.
A gun to the head fully loaded, trigger squeezed god himself seen a broken man balling.
His eyes flowing while he is still alive and kicking.
Years gone but depression remained it was only rebuilding to destroy him again and again.
A daily fight he goes toe to toe with himself always losing.
Thoughts keep repeating with all the “what if’s?”
Will he, she, her, or him be happy while he’s finally at peace?
Death isn’t the terrifying thing it’s given the opportunity to live that truly fills his head.
Confusing I agree but picture this if you will for me.
A hard child life and in his teens.
He pressed forward but carrying the past on his back chasing.
Ran away from home seven years straight messing up and finally having his miracle baby.
From the start him and his true love miles apart stayed connected thankfully.
Spent time away on issues I couldn’t escape a freedom taken away from me.
An attitude over raged.
She gave me peace even though I crushed her smile that’s no longer to be seen.
Hurts me because I’m the cause of everything not knowing how to suppress this depression that’s over taken every single thing about the present and future me I’m scared it’s who I and will always be...

I’m broken but pieces are missing idk how to fix me. Without always forever could never exist but without forever always has a chance to make infinity better without him...


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