as, not particularly not in place as this might seem, this poem reminds me a bit about going to the gym. going to the gym consists of making the same movements repeatedly with different muscles to make them stronger or bigger or whatever you were there for, but there is a struggle- the kind that makes you want to BE better than what you usually are, to spit upon your old shell of a shoddy self.
S, I like the fact you are writing. I love the fact you are delving into yourself. It's not always easy, there are doors we would rather keep shut instead of letting loose the feelings that are kept under lock and key. But you are doing it, that speaks volumes, it also speaks of growth and acceptance. That's huge! Keep writing! Hugs my friend-