This would be fantastic read aloud. There is vulnerability and an openness in this that leaves me breathless. I found a lot of wisdom in this, and growth, in wondering where the rage will go, how can one carry so much of it? When will be the time to not instinctively run away, to create a wall of defense. We can't always be what others or ourselves consider the opposite of weak. We can't always make the world listen and scream "no" and be heard. And that's absolutely terrifying.
However, that call for patience, to be gentle while you figure this out and come into who you are... that's beautiful. And something I hope others respect. No one should ever have to go through the hell you described in this, and I can't even begin to imagine, yet you are seeing you can live and love simultaneously. That there may not always be a cost. Not that you should ever feel you have to explain or owe it to anyone. This was such a powerful reflective piece and I hope through writing, it helped reaffirm things.
There's a sincerity and rawness in this that I just want to thank you for sharing with us. Take care :)