I found this a rather chilling read, MA, and yet I was 'seduced' by the inherent darkness of the piece.
Change is good, and is certainly something that should never be ruled out but not as a tool for running away or to hide a supposed deficiency.
Obviously, there are a few ways this disappearing act could be achieved - and at least one is certainly inconceivable - but I suggest you plod on and be exactly who you are, proudly visible to the whole bloody world.
The one thing I know for sure is that no one really moves on. On the surface maybe and not from anyone who so profoundly feels the world x
But it's okay to sometimes need to hide, to recharge and come back more glowing in yourself. Big love.
I love this. It (obviously) resonates with me on a profound level. But it doesn't chill me necessarily like Ben said it did, because I sort-of feel that there's still a hope for a better future expressed in the unspoken lines of this piece. Mainly, when you say that you "keep my options open" and "all because I am seduced by the idea...", tells me that you still have a lot left to lose even if you don't say it out loud. You are seduced by the idea, but you haven't given in to despair yet. The despair is just tempting you so far. Which surely is scary enough on its own, but to me, you haven't lost the war against your darkest thoughts yet if that's where you're at.
Can I just add though, that even if the premise of your poem were true, that whoever the title refers to would be able to move on, that isn't actually the only truth to be found here.
Even if that person "would be able to move on", I can promise you that there's someone - probably a lot of people - who couldn't. The contextual situation of those relationships might be very different, but what does that matter, really? If I start interpreting this through the lens of heartbreak and love, I stand by my initial analysis that there's unspoken hope left in this piece.
If that's the true lens through which this poem should be read (and there are several mind you), then hell yeah keep your options open. Maybe you will find out that you've already overlooked someone in your life who adores you so much their world would break apart if you gave in to the seduction of eternal disappearance.
Wouldn't it suck so hard if that person you never even considered might love you so much that their world would fall apart without you, ended up just slipping by you unnoticed? Dear, you are worthy of everything, an entire world just for you included!
Kakera, you have such beautiful, profound perspective.
I love this.
I think, subconsciously (or perhaps consciously, who knows?) I made that title sort of not believing in it 100%. Because what does "moving on" mean exactly? That doesn't mean the person is forgotten or not remembered or cared for still in their absence.
Despite depression trying to convince me otherwise, I have always believed, even if I can't always acknowledge it like I ought to, that we all impact someone. Even if we're not deliberately missed by someone, just by being human we affect others.
So yes, people move on, but they still carry grief and sorrow with them. Even if you are not the "priority" or "meaning" to someone's life, we don't simply forget or throw away memories of someone who has maybe given us reason to smile once or twice.
Thank you so much for all of your thoughts, always <3
I often question why a poem is in that specific category, but that ends up helping into going deeper within the poem. Getting used to being unnoticed to the point that it does not bother anymore. So raw in emotion, your speciality !!!
Thank you, Jessica. That's quite accurate! I always like to think and remind others that mental illness tells us we shouldn't have this or that, that we're not worthy of this person, and often it defies the truth others say directly. That they care about us. That we are loved.
It always hurts when someone moves on from you before you're ready and natural to want to hide away to lick your wounds. But you'll come out of that slump fighting because you know you are needed and you're right to have hope and open options. The next chapter will be waiting for you when you're ready and in the meantime, you express your pain beautifully and share it with us, we'll all appreciate it and you :-) x