Comments : Random Euphoria

  • 1 month ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Beautiful written

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      Thank you ^_^

  • 1 month ago

    by Brenda

    This is truly lovely..

  • 1 month ago

    by Michael

    STAR, a lovely piece with a beautiful story. M:)

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      Thank you Brenda and Michael :)

  • 1 month ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    It's intriguing how the title plays into this, this euphoria, because I also sense a twinge of memories when happiness may have been more tangible. When a simple scent could bring immediate joy. The sky dims yet stars are still burning, I felt this kind of out of body experience while reading this. Like the character feels bound by life, yet lives in this continuous cycle. She experiences change and witnesses how friends come and go, how season changes, the earth ages and her heart is still pounding. So many aspects to this, the visuals give depth and I love the emotion in this... it feels timeless but like this girl is tired from watching the world around her change and perhaps she stays the same.

    I have just a few minor things I noticed, suggestions you most certainly don't have to take but I hope it's alright to share them!

    Second stanza: "and ponders how long have they been burning" may sound better, flow-wise, as "and ponders how long they have been burning", just switching the "have" and "they".

    Also, the last stanza, should there be a comma or pause? Unless I am reading it wrong or with the wrong emphasis. Should it be "Her eyes aching, muscles draw shadows beneath them,"?

    Really enjoyed this one!

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      Thank you, so many emotions went into this. It makes me happy that someone noticed them!!
      Also you do make a point , I really appreciate the little touch ups ^_^

  • 1 month ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Lovely work.

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      Thank you!

  • 3 days ago

    by hiraeth

    I've read somewhere, a long time ago that scents are one of the strongest evokers (is this even the right word lol) of nostalgia. We tend to look back on things with rose-coloured glasses, and scents can do the same. It really is crazy how just one whiff can trigger an avalanche of memories. I'm starting to ramble, sorry.

    The title itself makes the reader ask questions like was it triggered by something in the past, or is it because of the present? The drying of the pale yellow [freesia] leaves makes one think that the season is end of summer/beginning of autumn. It becomes apparent to the readers that the scent of freesia is enjoyed by the speaker, they can't help but think back to the drying of it. Does it mean that the speaker is no longer happy, and is that because of seasonal affective disorder, or was it drying out just because of the change of seasons which is meant to signify a transitive period for the speaker as well?

    The rest of the poem goes on to offer little nuggets of intense feelings (a 'sonder-esque' feeling, because of the musing of the stars, hope, sadness), but its the last line that really moves the readers;

    'she feels her heart pounding'....

    it makes them think that she began feeling again after a long period of inactivity (relates back to the drying of the freesia), that there's a sense of renewed hope (the title).

    Just one suggestion, to maybe punctuate/format the last line like:

    'She.
    feels.
    her.
    heart.
    pounding'

    those short quick sentences would kinda mimic the heart pounding,

    or even maybe 'she feels/her heart/pounding' to mimic a heart beat, since it would have two syllables on each verse. Just a random suggestion.

    • 3 days ago

      by Star

      I really love the suggestion!! But I think its too late to change it now :)
      Thank you so much!!