Comments : Welcome Back Old Friend

  • 11 months ago

    by Michael

    Very sad piece, but well executed STAR. Glad to see this nominated :) M

    • 11 months ago

      by Star

      Thank you Michael :)

  • 11 months ago

    by hiraeth

    After my first read through, I thought it was about a trauma or something presenting in a nightmare or a repressed memory resurfacing. I still think it's applicable since you're careful with your words to be ambiguous, and let the reader attach their own meaning. I do the same as well, also has the added benefit of 'security through obscurity', lets us writers speak about things we normally wouldn't or find it hard to speak on, but still reassure ourselves in a weird way that we didnt disclose the full truth.

    Rambling again, sorry. But since you've told me about what this is about; I see. I also really, really love the imagery of braiding hair, 'folding dark memories one by one'. Using hair as a symbol/metaphor in writing is pretty cool; different cultures have different takes on hair. Wisdom is shown by the length of hair, or they never cut it. The idea of hair carrying memories is something unique, and I know some native cultures share the same view, and its commonplace to cut ones hair when they grow out of childhood to be considered an adult. Sorry rambling again, getting back on topic; the interlocking of hair representing the layering of dark memories is a pretty powerful image. It's really apt. Having the walls you put up for security come under siege of waves of the past while you silently beg for sleep can be pretty brutal and you captured that wonderfully. Nominated. Hope to see this one the front page!

    • 11 months ago

      by Star

      "lets us writers speak about things we normally wouldn't or find it hard to speak on, but still reassure ourselves in a weird way that we didnt disclose the full truth.'
      You are very right about this Mark. We can free ourselves, and writing does provide comfort.
      Thank you for the nomination :)

  • 11 months ago

    by Daniel

    I really enjoy how this poem drifts from tender, intimate and soft, to dark and claustrophobic.

    The twisting of braids is a powerful enough image without this stanza:

    ‘You kept folding
    dark memories...
    one..
    by
    one...’

    I don’t think it’s necessary. For me at least, your poetry is better when you don’t tell the reader what the image represents.

    Loved it though :)

    • 11 months ago

      by Star

      You are right Daniel. I was afraid the meaning would drift away from original meaning without it :) Thank you I really appreciate your feedback!!!

  • 11 months ago

    by Brenda

    I really liked this a lot. Your visuals are telling so much without saying everything. It's quite beautiful.

  • 11 months ago

    by Everlasting

    all I could do
    was surrender
    to the pain,
    as I pretend
    to be asleep.

    ^ hi, I’m not sure if “pretend” should be past tense as well. The whole piece talks about something that already happened so I figure that it should be “as I pretended to be asleep”.

    • 11 months ago

      by Star

      You maybe right Luce :) Thank you!!!

      Brenda Thank you so much that means a lot!!