Comments : the worlds we seek. [collab with Star]

  • 3 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I'm kind of gawking here, in awe that this is a collab, because it's such a seamless piece, weaving the two "worlds" you both seek. You carry the images and meaning and pardon me, but I have to comment here on some specific lines:

    "drawing maps
    to reach the side
    of your soul that
    the sun had fallen on."

    - Okay, I'm rewriting and deleting my thoughts on this so many times because I can't form words to convey what I mean here! I've never read something worded quite this way. It's elegant. And tragic. Because there are only so many maps, so many routes I would think you could draw and follow before you fall too. Before the sun sets on you and you cannot find the life you seek.

    I keep having to re-read these lines, as I adore the distinction you made:

    "it’s funny, you hunger
    for the means to a life,
    and I hunger for
    life itself."

    - The means to a life: at first, that made me think of survival. Of enduring trauma and learning to cope, learning what tools can help us continue. Then, it made me think of the yearning to actually desire more out of life, to have passionate dreams that can fill us with something other than despair or the "necessity" of living.

    And can we talk about that last line?? I honestly shivered reading that. It left me with a chill. I took that realization as something you may have known for awhile, yet you still were tempted to reach this person, and perhaps ached to find a balance or be on the same land that would be fertile. That would not leave their heart parched.

    What's even more poignant is that I didn't take this piece as finding blame in someone or someone's situation, at least not in a black-and-white way. How easy it can be to be beaten down by life, especially when we may be convinced life does not hold worth for us, so why would we care to crave more, to strive for more fertile soil? You mentioned insecurities in this and I did feel that plus a fear, a fear of coming out of the shade. Breaking down barriers and letting others in would mean trust, making them feel at home with you.

    I need to come back to this again sometime soon, just to read and take it all in again. It's phenomenal.

    Can you both PLEASE write more together? ;)

    • 3 years ago

      by Star

      “ I'm kind of gawking here, in awe that this is a collab, because it's such a seamless piece, ”
      I am really flattered MA, our styles of writing are completely different!
      This is the best comment ever, Thank youuuuu!! :)
      And about writing together, I dont think we can promise you anything lol

  • 3 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    When the romantic collides with the practical, it rarely works I suppose.

    Lovely work, guys

  • 3 years ago

    by Brenda

    I love this you two! Beautiful collaboration!

    • 3 years ago

      by prasanna

      Thank you Brenda, Ben, and MA, it means a lot :)