Comments : Clues

  • 3 weeks ago

    by Hellon

    There is something about this poem that doesn't quite gel for me...it seems like you have put a lot of emotional sentences together and, perhaps that's you intention I'm not sure? Your words make you sound breathless and anxious to my ears, like you are worried that this person may look over your shoulder and read your words.

    • 3 weeks ago

      by Rania Moallem

      that is indeed true, and that is indeed intentional but at the same time inevitable <3

  • 3 weeks ago

    by hiraeth

    "Something in your words stands out,
    whether pushed into low punctuation
    or thrown into a jungle of words."

    This is a really beautiful opening, I love 'jungle of words' and the idea of low punctuation makes it seem like a continuous stream of words being said. It sets the poem up nicely about how erratic everything is.

    "Doesn't matter if neat or well-structured
    there is always a shadow of you
    behind anything that you say,
    your unspoken words can haunt."

    I think it should be 'doesn't matter if its neat or well-structured'. That being said, I also love the idea of a shadow of someone just lurking it, it's a beautiful worded sentiment of a creepy idea, it also ties into how people can have long-lasting effects on us.

    "It's almost impossible not to notice you
    Your vocabulary makes you present
    even in absence,
    with or without intention-
    a chain of words that only you would use."

    This is something that resonates with me on a personal level; you come to know someone and how they word their sentences, their thoughts and just know the ins and outs of them that you can spot them from a mile away even when they try to remain hidden.

    "An open book that I can read by heart
    but seldom interpret
    You are a language I grasped years ago,
    but failed to comprehend.
    Something in your words stands out,
    I don't understand, but forever recognize."

    A bittersweet ending to signal moving on, but still saying that you were affected by them in some way since you can recognize them. I really like this piece :)

    • 3 weeks ago

      by Rania Moallem

      I like your suggestion, sounds better. Thank you Mark, as usually, you hit the nail on the head.

  • 2 weeks ago

    by rachael

    This really hit home for me this is beautifully written