Comments : Just another one...

  • 4 months ago

    by hiraeth

    "Her body felt heavy pressing on the cold floor,
    for the moon forgot to shine his light."

    This is a strong visual, painting a dark scene, speaking about her codependence on the moon.

    "The window crouched above her,
    as her cry trailed the silent hallway."

    I love the way you worded the first verse, it's unique.

    "The night did not forgive her;
    for the candle she lit wasn't enough
    to tame her broken parts."

    I love the visual in this too - the candle couldn't bring enough light like the moon would bring. It sort of feels surreal, fantasy-like, as if she was the keeper of the night and it was her responsibility to keep the moon on good terms.

    "Brave is her soul
    but not her heart."

    Love this! It's beautiful, poetic, everything you'd want in a ending!

    • 4 months ago

      by Star

      I googled the ending, for a second I thought I plagiarized it. Thank you ^_^

  • 4 months ago

    by Meena Krish

    I've got a very vivid image as I read this of a maiden inside a castle with just the moon light and a candle as a friend...nice one :)

    • 4 months ago

      by Star

      It was inspired by someone actually Im sure they dont know it. That was the vibe I was going fo.
      Thank you ^_^

  • 4 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    'The window crouched above her' is some of the best use of personification I have come across.
    An entirely atmospheric piece; well done.

    • 4 months ago

      by Star

      As a fan of personification, this is a huge praise for me!!!
      Thank you so much Ben :)