Comments : The Sun Thief

  • 2 years ago

    by Gracy Judith

    I love it Kitty...beautifully penned.

  • 2 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I ADORE the title. It feels like it could be a title for a novel. My favorite stanza was definitely the second. It was simply worded but powerful in the truth that you both could be basking in the sun, claim it together, yet it's obscured, and you are depriving yourself of light and warmth since you both cannot enjoy it. The last lines were tinged with sadness, the sense of being lost and struggling with identity, dissociated, and even in daylight, not seeing a clear way forward. When we lose a love or are distanced, it's all too easy to disappear ourselves, and have our own wants and desires be heard. We become obliterated by the loss and struggle to find that sun and our spot in it again. My only critique: "Tickling for your own pleasure" brought me out of the piece a bit and felt like it added nothing, mainly the word "tickling", which didn't feel right in this context or as impactful. The same with "Scratch that itch/ Rub that nerve". Just my opinion though, this is still your piece :)

    And I don't believe I've said it yet, but, welcome back! Really good to see you posting again.

    • 2 years ago

      by Kitty Cat Lady

      Hi MA. Thanks so much for your really in-depth comments and for your lovely welcome back. I take on board the parts that are a little unclear. I was wanting to convey the feeling after a row with my partner who will deliberately provoke me on certain topics, knowing I'll take the bait, then accuse me of over-reacting! Mostly we're fine but I dislike that side of him! (Sorry for over-sharing there!)
      Thanks again for really looking at this, much appreciated :-) x

  • 2 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    You have elloquently woven emotion and imagery throughout. I agree with MA the second stanza is the best. A great write qnd pleasure to read. Milly x