Comments : insomniac thoughts

  • 2 months ago

    by hiraeth

    "you're afraid to close your eyes
    once you do the world
    turns its face towards you,
    so you fear opening them."

    what a way to open the poem.

    you captured insomnia perfectly

    • 2 months ago

      by Star

      Thank you ^_^

  • 2 months ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Wow, that’s powerful and whether or not someone suffers from this long term or not, I believe most of us can say we have all spent at least one night in this state.

    For me, I relate a lot to those nights and I think you have kept it very short and to the point so that we can all relate it to our own nights.

    Great job

    • 2 months ago

      by Star

      Yes you’re right, I intentionally kept it short thank you so much!!!

  • 2 months ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I really don't have too much to say other than well done, and wow, did I relate to this. Especially the "paralyzed" part. There's so much depth in this, and when I was having trouble with sleep (and still do), sometimes it's hard to put it into words. I've been told to just listen to relaxing music or read a book to make me tired, but it's so much more than that. Even if my body aches for sleep, sometimes there's fear in my mind, or fear of dreaming, or intrusive thoughts, or memories that keep replaying. There's many layers. And facing the world and its expectations can be quite a daunting task.

    Only suggestion:

    Second stanza: "bitting" should be "biting" I believe.

    • 2 months ago

      by Star

      Ooops you’re right its a typo!!

      It really is not that simple, thank you MA :)

  • 4 days ago

    by Emi

    Hello,
    The titles 'insomniac thoughts' definitely says all it needs to say, I think. It's simplistic and to the point so the reader knows what the poem is about but doesn't know the exact way the poem will go, if that makes sense.

    you're afraid to close your eyes
    once you do the world
    turns its face towards you,
    so you fear opening them.
    ^
    Yeah, I totally get this you fear trying to sleep as it doesn't usually end well (for me, I usually end up being out of bed more than in during than the night which is frustrating and upsetting) but when you do fall asleep, you don't want to get up or if you wake up, during the night you don't want to open your eyes for fear of not being able to get back to sleep because it has usually taken hours for you to fall asleep as it is. It's such a vicious cycle, it's unreal.

    "classic" you think to yourself,
    but the shivers keep biting on
    your spine, you're paralyzed
    yet you feel your feet
    getting lost in a cold void.
    ^
    What fantastic imagery here especially the one of your feet being lost in a cold void - frozen to the spot not, not wanting to move just as much as you're not wanting to open your eyes for fear of not being able to settle back down.

    you listen to the birds singing
    outside your window, and cars
    screaming in the morning traffic.
    ^
    This is the worse thing, when you've not been able to sleep then the birds start to awaken and the morning traffics comes to because then you know it's been a wasted night and you may aswell just get up.

    you realize you still exist,

    then you remember the night...
    ^
    I'd say I love the ending, and I do but in respect to being an insomniac myself I absolutely hate it because it's horrible but I totally get it... I feel this piece right in my gut.
    Well done on another fantastic piece.
    Em x

    • 4 days ago

      by Star

      I'm sorry you're an insomniac Em and if this triggered anything!!
      Thank you :)