Comments : Misconducted Existence

  • 9 months ago

    by hiraeth

    This poem sort of reminds me of your other two poems 'Extinction of her recovery', and another one I can't remember the name of. In my mind, there a trilogy of poems, all connected. :)

    I also love the use of imagery here; the fallen tree, living as a 'succulent prey', 'fraying fuzzy cocoon'. It's perfectly used without being too over-descriptive, you use it in a way that you put the onus on the reader to come up with their own interpretation while hinting at it with the imagery.

    • 9 months ago

      by Star

      At first I didnt intend for it to be similar, after the first two verses I knew I had to.
      Thanksss ^_^

  • 9 months ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I've read this several times now, and every time, I keep coming back to how much I love the title. It made me think of factors beyond our control, that we sometimes fall prey to things, and we can't always immediately jump in a new direction of life. The metaphor of the caterpillar, of being young, naive, unaware. How others feed off of you. It reminded me of being taken advantage by those who are "louder" than us. Who dominate, who steal the little vitality we have and make it their own.

    I felt that fear of living throughout this. There's a fragility in your verses, and also a yearning, clinging on to that bolder life. Taking on a new form, in flight, in control. Knowing that it will someday happen, and even though you are doubting, you are dreaming. You have something to hold on to.

    I thought a comma needed to be added maybe after "uncertainty" in the final line? I just naturally took a pause there.

    Enjoyed this one!

    • 9 months ago

      by Star

      You got it right :)
      As always, thank you so much!!